Fina's Journal

good thing starts with a goodbye.

2011-01-03T22:25:00.000+08:00

Alright. Farewell blog. See you when I finally end my last O Level Paper.
No regrets, whatsoever. Haven't been updating for sometime anyway. Once today strikes midnight, the rule starts. No laptop for at least 10 months. However it's still available during The Emergencies. Won't get anymore blov-vers coming to my blog anymore. Sad. I'm officially an ANTI-SOCIAL now. Facebook-less, blogger-less, twitter-less, you name it. But I'd be revisioning-more. HAHA.
This might sounds crazy but starting this week already I'mma starting my revision already. Felt bad that the entire 2 months of holiday was spent non-revised. So well I shall make it up for these upcoming months. I mean come on, our first O level paper is 6 MORE MONTHS AWAY. What are you thinking.
OKEY DOKEY, TAKE CARE ALL.

P.S. This is not so much of a farewell post. I'd be back occassionally of course. Just a little too not often.
LOVES, MISSES KISSES.

farewell year-long curse.

2011-01-01T13:47:00.006+08:00

I'm on a seafood diet.

I see-food and I eat it :D
I'm gaining. Oh my my my.

I have nothing much to say for my farewell for 2010. Whatever happens in 2010 stays in the chapter of 2010. Honestly, I just think that cupid must have cursed me last year. OH. However, as selfish as I might get, I hope I could maintain my 2010's grades or even better ones for next year's big day(s). OHM OHM OHM.
Ah very well,
cheers for a better year to all dear blov-vers.
1.1.11~!
May all of you be blessed, forever and always.

paint you a picture.

2010-12-30T23:57:00.002+08:00

No, I don’t want to talk about how I feel. I can’t explain it to you. I can’t tell you that the smallest things can cover me in sadness for days. I don’t want to tell you that I’m crying, that there are tears streaming down my face, you’ll think I’m over reacting, because I am. That’s what I do. I get too upset about the small things because I push all my emotions away and pretend I don’t feel them and then they build up, and up, and up, becoming a huge mess of pent up anger and sadness and fear and tiredness and loss and pain and every thing else I pretend not to feel, and then this, situations like this happen and everything falls apart. I fall apart. I can’t tell you that, because I can’t get even more attached to you than I already am. I’m already in too close and I already care too much when you don’t, you can’t care enough. I can’t expect you too, I don’t want you too, I don’t want to become more attached and then be forgotten and left behind as always seems to happen. I don’t want to rely on you caring about me and being there for me and then have you move on and never speak to me again. I can’t go through this again with yet another person. Everyone leaves. I need to remember that, because you, I thought you were an exception, but everyone leaves. I don’t know why I thought you’d be any different, you’re not. It’s not just this, it’s everything. You’re so hard to reach, impossible to really read, and I let my guard down. I let my guard down and now I need to deal with the mess that has caused. The mess I have become. So no, I can’t talk about this with you because it’s only going to make things worse, I need to start sorting things out. I’m starting to doubt everything here, and your words are pushing me over the edge.

probably mindless dreaming.

2010-12-30T03:29:00.001+08:00

I swear if this was a freaking movie you'd be here by now.
I hate affirming to people how fine I am when I just don't feel fine at all. When sometimes it's easier to lie than to explain all the whys you're not fine.
And only if ego exist not between two people, things will be way way way better than now.
I really yearned for things to grow a little better. I miss the crazy texts we once shared. I miss the random texts you once sent. I miss the frequent texts. I miss the bitching moments. And best friend, dear do I just miss you.
I purely know things are way way way different now and you no longer that friend anymore neither can I no longer call you MY bestfriend.
Like a ball of complete glass your heart's vulnerably fragile, with the "handle-with-care" sign written all over you. And getting your heart's best at interest is sure as hell difficult. However on the contrary you have this yearning heart to want to know everything. Somebody mistook it as overly-busybody, but I find that little detail of you a little bit more inquisite and what makes you peculiar than the rest. But right now, butter fingered I've handled you way too careless that that ball of complete glass, as a result completely crashed, into pieces and fixing it all back together will only cause unnecessary pain.
Careless. I'm sorry. I was.

pretty sydney. pretty memory.

2010-12-26T19:43:00.003+08:00

To all dear blovvers. Sorry for the major lack of updates.

Had been trying to post but the system has not been cooperating any well.

Ohwell, here's to the few who've been asking for my Sydney Trip updates. The pictures will be hecka lot. Well, just you know that this new here, do not have a freaking facebook account. Yes, I do not want to create one. Okayyyy, just the dang fact that facebook would prolly take a huge part of my time, I decided to skip the experience. Ah, some noob said it's being anti-social. Well, better than a crazy freak who sticks in front of the computer screen glaring at OTHER PEOPLE UPDATES righttttt. K, no offense to all you facebook-er. But people seriously. Trust me, at least you've done it once in your lifetime before. The glaring part, I meant. Okay okay enough digressing. Lets tune back to our focus. Where were we? Oh yes. Sydney trip.

Here you go.

1 Dec

Head out by 1745.

Reached airport at 1830.

:( Flight was delayed and carried 2 hours forward. God knows howww disappointed all of us were. I mean come on, we were all so anxious to get to the plane and reach Sydney ASAP, yet the stupid flight was delayed!!!

Ahwell, met Tante Noi and Kak Nurin and the rest and checked in our luggages first. Then, had drink at the basement's cafeteria. BLAH BLAH BLAH, the folks started talking and talking and talking while my head went spinning and spinning and spinning. I swear, it must be my bad omen that I perfectly gotten sick and fever the next day, just in lieu of my vacation. Tell me how not frustrated can you, I mean anyone get. But shut up. Don't blame it on my unlucky immune system. Hey, I've been pretty much on good health condition year throughout. No doubt I suddenly fall sick all at the end of this year. I swear mama was panicking at the very last minute, my goshhhhhhh. AHHHH, RUNNNING NOSE, DAMN IRRITATING.

Checked in at 2230. 95% blonde headed detected. Haha. We're the only asians, I guess. Had a little fight in the holding room. Mama-Im-jealous-but-im-sorry-i-didnt-mean-to-hit-her fight. Some australian kidd. MY GOD! CANNOT SHUT UP. Okayy. So we took British Airways.

Heck! I sat beside a damn hot angmoh guy. HEHE. EXCITED EXCITED. But dangggg, nahh, tattoos. Eurgh.

At 1215, supper was prepared. Rice, stewed with green gravy fish, long beans, cold chicken, butter bread, apple punch. Haha, does that even sound like supper??? HAH. More like dinner. I got caught up in some movie in the plane. HEHEH, Shrekkkk.
God. I bought like stacks and stacks of lozenges and kept popping it to my mouth every second I cough. Ate medicine and finally dozed off at 0100.
2 Dec
Woke up at 0400(SG time) / 0700(AUS time). Damn still have running nose. But fortunately my throat seem to be better than yesterday's after taking panadol. The medicine must have cause me to keep tearing out :'( At 0529(SG time) / 0829(AUS time) breakfast was prepared. Menu - orange juice, strawb yoghurt, raisin roll and a nice tea. I only have the cup of tea for breakfast. Uhuh.
At 0915(AUS time) we arrive in ★S Y D N E Y★ .

Mama and Tante Noi did all the necessary admin stuff while I went roaming around the airport. Finally talked to Kak Nurin. I swear, all this time me and Selena just shut up and keep ourselves away from her. I mean come on la Kak Nurin, you never even smile...make it seem as if you're so unapproachable :( I finally initiated the talking first. She just finish her A levels the day before ohmeegod. Eemahgene the stress. She took 3 years in JC so that explains a little of old age for a JC citizen. Haha, speaking to a cousin whom I barely talk to for all these years who is 4 years older than me, kinda grew awkward at the start, we clicked off pretty well through the trip :)
There were some hiccups along the way about the car rental thingy and stuff so we kinda took a few hours in the airport. I swear I was really hungry cause whatnot, I only had a freaking tea for breakfast! So we settle for McD. But Tante says the chicken might not be halal so I had to have the most dreadful fish fillet :( :( :( :( :( The mothers finally settled for Budget car rental service .

Picked our car and head to our apartment. Camry's our choice.
Reached Oaks Hyde Park Plaza at 1100 and checked in.

Upon reaching, all of us had a couple hours of rest before heading out for our first sydney-seeing.

Woke up around 1500 and headed to Hay Market / Market City they call it. Pretty city I must tell. Well, nothing really to whoa about actually. Sydney's pretty much like in Singapore. Just that it is the town Singapore. Very little suburban areas. Haha. They sure do have little double deckers suburbans houses a very nice garden to rectify everything. AHH, JUST SO PRETTY. Thing is, Sydney's just way too noisy. Day in day out, hours after couple of hours, sirens of ambulance and police and firetrucks kept the city alive. Kinda no peace at times. Haha. We, have train tracks build ahead of roads and expressways, they have trains ON the road itself. Well must say they have a couple types of trains. The one on the road, one above the road, and another one beside the road :) Hah.
They don't have slums on the road nor beggars. Instead that have pretty much weird and kinda enticing public performers. The guy down there could pretty much slim down after hulla-hooping for at least a month. His rate of resilience is superb till the point when after we've came out shopping from the Market City, he's still there. Haha. Something to be respected for.

The Sydney Police Court.

One of the amazing public artist I've ever seen. Great artwork leashed.

Sydney bus.

Well if you think this is a police car,

well, it's not. It's a cab. For freaking sake, a cab look so much alike like a freaking cops car. HAH.

And here, the don't say it Burger Kings. They say it Hungry Jacks.

We lived in 38 College Street, near to these streets. Liverpool Street, George St, Elizabeth St.

Hah, surprise surprise. They too have Chinatown here. Trust me, maybe Little India cause they had particularly all indians in Woolworths.

SHOP SHOP SHOP. Shop a little souvenirs from Hay Market then head to Paddy's Market to shop for some groceries for the night's dinner.

Then went up since the basement shops are strictly closed by 5pm. I swear. They even had securities deployed at the entrance to shoo people away. They had this rule for the shop vendors that whoever that caught sold to customers after 5pm will be given a first warning of AUSD200. So obey it or pay it. We visit the place pretty late already so many of the things we could not buy all together that day just yet :(

I bought a freaking boots yay!!! HAHA. The last pairrrrrrr. AHHHHH, I LOVE IT. So pretty. For the pictures that you might see a pale brown boots, well that's it. Had trunch(Tante Noi taught me. Tea time + Lunch = Trunch). Doner's Tasty Kebab and Tom Yam Instant Noodle for that.

Head back to The Plaza(haha, so Princess Diaries like.. haha.) and damn it's 1930 and it doesn't even look as dark as back in Singapore. Reach back at 2000. Tired tired tired :( Slept as early as 1930 cause my medicine took me off.
3 Dec
Woke up at 0915 and had breakfast. We had asam pedas, omelette, fried veggie and sambal bla for breakfast! I swear the mamas( Tante and Mama) must have been so excited la.

Got ready at 0945 and head out at 1100 haha, why so long? UHMM, well lets see, we have 5 ladies. So that explains why we got ready so long hehe. Okayla, vainports la.

Head to ★ TARONGA ZOO ★ that day. A one-hour ride there.

Harbor Bridge.

After that we head to ★ OPERA HOUSE ★ and ★HARBOR BRDGE ★

Head back to The Plaza afterwards.

4 Dec

Woke up at 0900 and had breakfast. Homemade pancakes, fish fingers, fries, rice, fried veggie and a couple of hot dish.

Tante packed fried maggie and rice and some tuna sandwiches for picnic later.

Head to ★BLUE MOUNTAIN ★

Well there's many parts to the Blue Mountain. So we decided to go for the Scenic World. Whoa, the weather doesn't seem to be on our side. Damn. Should have listen to Tante Noi. We're going to a mountain for the love of god. What were we thinking! HAHA. So, we end up struggling up there. Super cold. More like mini Genting Highland. Hah.
We ride the Katoomba Scenic Railway. It's the steepest incline passenger railway in the world! Haha, I swear the mamas were freaking out when they saw how the railway before us actually went. Pretty though I must admit. Cause it's like real steep. But the seats are designed in such a way that it's not parallel but perpendicular to the steepness. So it's not that bad. After reach the stop. We visit this historic mining attractions at the cliff base and strolled through an ancient rainforest on raised boardwalk via the Scenic Walkway. They had real amazing flora :)
Afterwards we took the Scenic Cableway. It's circa the size of the cable of the Singapore Flyers. They even had a transparent glass in the middle of the cable for picture-taking and such so. Beautiful. So we're back to Scenic Top Station. Then, decided to go to this waterfall, one of the blue mountain workers highly recommended us to take a visit. However, Tante suggested that we wait for a little while more since the mist is so thick, making it all pointless for the ride since we're unable There's the Three Sisters, Orphan Rock, Mt Solitary and Jamison Valley.
Upon reaching to the next stop, we had to walk a few metres before seeing this magnificent Wentworths Falls. God, I feel like dying. The scenery just too real to be true. HAHA. REALLLLLL NATURE-Y.
So took picture here la there la. HAHA, SO THE SINGAPOREAN I tell you. There and then, had a little heart to heart talk and all with Tante Noi with all the things going on and bla bla bla. Emotional moment on the going...so I really just keep myself quiet the entire time.
We took the last ride which was 1755 then and head back to the top station.
Afterwards intention was to head back to HPP but then decided to do a little survey at Bondi Beach cause we planned to head to the beach on Monday. Damn the beach is like gorgeous. Pretty water. Soft sands, cold breeze and not to mention oh *coughs coughs* hot guys (okay there's hot chicks too. uhm, uncensored, mygodsaveus.). Pretty much everything you could asked for for summer :D

Sorry for the low quality pictures.
5 DEC
Shopping DAY! HEH. We were pretty much jumping from one mall to another shopping for this and that. The mamas thought Monday was the best since a lot of shops are open then. Went to Market City - all the souvenirs there. Woolworths - the mamas were craving for chocolates. I swear, hella lots lots lots of all kind from dark to white chocolates, from regular to irregular shaped chocolates, from biscuits to candy bar to sweets. You name it. My mum pretty much spent near AUSD200 on just chocolates. CRAZY I SWEAR. Australia is best known also for their nougats. But rather costly. AUSD38 for 1 KG. But we bought anyway, knowing it's pretty rare in Singapore. Then we head to this Queen Victoria Building. Who actually seriously I mean like seriousssly buy a shoe that freaking cost near 1K??!! Tell me. Mama said artistes must have been to this place before. Well, kinda make sense. Mama decided to leave Tante and Kak Nurin for Lowes than QVB. You could barely afford to pee much less step foot to those shops and actually queue up to pay for a freaking bracelet which could cost you near up to 100 bucks. Not worth.
Went to those This Fashion kinda cheap shops where they display signboards like "3 for $5 / $10 megasale" instead of cheat-our-feelings "10%, 30% discount" where the original price is like AUSD129.90. Seriously la okay.
It was only till that day that I realized this tagline: Shop till you drop do really really really exist.
Got truly exhausted and head back to HPP and enjoyed a nice dinner -Thai Green Curry, fried fish, omelette and fried veggie.

Gosh. Okay I realize how long this post going to get if I actually continue blogging about every single day. IMMA JUST POST THE PICTURES OKAY. Besides I've been postponing this post for quite some time already.. OKEY.
Here's few pictures of Manly Beach.

At HPP, they had this recreational corner - jacuzzi, swimming pool, and sauna. HAHA. Duh, we went to all. HAHA. THE SAUNA ROCKS. We had this bet of who will be out of the cubicle last. Haha, Tante Noi said she could not withstand the heat. Tante, you're on the lower tier leh. We were pretty much absorbing the heat cause we're upstairs. HAHA, followed by Kak Nurin, Selena and Mama. HAHA, SO I WIN. After 10 minutes you're already unconsciously sweating like mad dog. I stayed for half an hour though cause I was planning to go the pool next. Actually, intention was jacuzzi, pool, sauna. But we, The Noobs, couldn't figure out how to turn on the jacuzzi. Figuring that a little too long, we head up for the pool however, there's a few people there so we head to the Sauna <3 Hhe.

At Featherdale wildlife/ Koala Park Sanctuary / Kangaroo Country.

Okey, this are all the pictures that I could find. Well, my stupid laptop is injured so a lot of lags here and there. I can't be patient to the loading and all. So let's just end all here.

Pardon for the real long post.

The Story of Us.

2010-11-20T19:07:00.003+08:00

I used to know my place was the spot next to you, now I'm searching the room for an empty seat. Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on. Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking.
I'm dying to know if its killing you like it's killing me. I don't know what to say since a twist of fate, when it all broke down. And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
Next chapter -
How had we end up this way. See me nervously pulling at my clothes and t r y i n g t o l o o k b u s y. And you're doing your best to avoid me. I'm scared to see the ending why are we pretending this is nothing? I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how. I've never heard silence quite this loud.This is looking like a contest, of who can act like they care less. But I liked it better when you were on my side.

Damn. I hate how Taylor Swift's words always explains why. OHM.
___________________________________________________________________________

Noob told me it was my fault. Me being the ego. I don't get it. Why was it always me.
Sometimes, just dang sometimes, I wish I had someone who understands.
~~OOMA~~. ~~PVP~~. EMATH ♥.

FCFS policy.

2010-11-18T20:22:00.001+08:00

I just can't stand it when some people have to butt in to some people's rights. I mean come on. When it comes to queuing up, you'd take special note of the First Come First Serve policy. But what about people's rights? You totally gave a blind eye to it dont you.
Seriously. How selfish could you truly get? It was me first. Truly me first. Why do you have to come in and mess it all over again. You know so much for years of friendship, I gave in. But hey, you've crossed the damn line.
I never really got to enjoy the feeling like you'd always did, but when opportunity strikes and I'd have officially called it mine , girl, you don't just snatch it away.
Subconcsiously, things change, and you continue on being your own innocent self, pretending to not a single damn thing. You had your everything, so why do you have to steal my something to the point that I'm left with nothing. I don't know if I was kind or stupid enough to endure all this. All this shit you're pushing me clean for you.
You had no idea. Just letting you know once and goddamn for all, you just had nooooo idea.
You know I don't hate you. No. Not at all. Not not not never ever ever ever. But I hate the fact that the society don't appreciate this policy anymore. When they think that they can jolly well get anything they'd ever wanted when they were not even the ones that worked hard for. When they don't deserve to. I don't really quite seek for justice and fairness here, but I truly truly truly seek for a favourable understanding. If that is too tough to achieve?
______________________________________________________________________

And he just walked passed me and pretend like nothing ever happened.
Jerk much?
Even more, I had never meant to love him. One thing I truly knew, knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest - was how love gave someone the power to break you.

2010-11-17T22:32:00.000+08:00

To the jerks you surely know who you are.
You broke her. You completely crushed her. But she’s smart enough to stop in her tracks, and ask herself why she’s still doing this, and what will become of it. The answer is, she still loves you& always will. But not in the sense of needing you, the ” I would die for you.” way. More in the sense that no matter what, she’s always going to have some sort of feelings for you, and will watch out for you, making sure that you don’t end up hurt, and that you don’t make the same mistakes she made, with you.
Yours sincerely the girl who got her heart broken.

The Safest Wall.

2010-11-14T13:08:00.000+08:00

This might seemed a little cliche but I think it's truly sweet. Seoul Korea's "Safest Wall".

Young couple show their love for each other by locking a pair of padlocks to this fence, and throwing the keys over the edge. By throwing away the keys, they are showing their undying commitment to each other.

This is another place I'd queue in my list of the-must-see-places-before-i-die.

sirron.

2010-11-14T00:06:00.001+08:00

Woke up at 8.
Sleepy tired. Texted Eugene, like mygodfinally, and some noob who ditched me halfway.
First Choir meeting for next year's plans. Ah.
Headed to RP for discussion.
Hungry stomach. Left home, breakfast-less. Conclusion: starving mode on.
Kept checking on the time for lunch hints.
Walked to CP in the ungodly hot humid weather.
Crowded McD at CP. Change venue to Civic's.
Ate lunch with the ladies + Selena.
Had hecka good time as per usual.
Selena had to inform me that we had to be home by 1.
So turned Sheela's study date and dragged back home.
My day couldn't get any more worst than that.
Waiting for Eugene reply is another thing. Aiiyoo. No one wanted to reply me. Truly. Well, fine, some noob did, but I meant where are all my saviours???????????
Uh. This is heck what you mean by stop expecting.
OKay.
Just when I thought my day could grew a little more worser,
some dude made me happy :D

P.s. Dang it. I just grew another annoying zit. Oh.

dear noob,

2010-11-12T21:44:00.000+08:00

Some "noob" wanted me to update my blog. Ahwell;-

Hi noob, I thanked you for constantly checking on my blog for updates but you need to understand that hello, some people don't just say certain things, especially when they are publicly "advertised" sorta thing. But in lieu to your 11-days-since-I-last-read-your-blog, here's a few updates okay. Hope this'll do, noob.

Went out with Esther. Ah, finally. My first official going-out-with-friend day. Had a pretty good time with her. Had trouble finding a decent restaurant to fill in our hungry stomachs so we decided to go for the usuals; McD. Had lunch and toured around Takashimaya all too awed to by stuffs there. I mean mygod la. Too priceyyyyyy for suburbans girls. Intention was to get a good 2011 diary planner but just one mini one cost a bomb. So I'd passed. There were too many pretty stuffs that caught sight of our attention. But sigh, we can't, okay I can't afford double digits dollars for something as small as hair accesories! Mama had kindly gave me 40 bucks for spending. That's not good news. The higher the allowance, the more meticulous should I be spending. I mean there's no way I'm getting that kind of allowance from her again for the next couple of weeks. Though I shan't say the same for the expenditure on F&B. HAHA. I mean come on, foodd, how can you just pass?
Afterwards, we headed to AMK to catch Unstoppable. K, initial plan was to watch The Social Network but the time slot was way too far from then. Bought cookies/muffins 'fore that. Haha. 10 dollars for all. Crazy I know. But heck, who cares. K, let me ask you. Would you rather spent 10 bucks on food that is obviously a guaranteed satisfactory to your stomach or on a freaking toy??? K whatever, I choose the food still.
Movie review. Relatively edge-seating. Uhuh. Fine. Enticing plot. 4.5 stars. Votes for Chris Pine <3.
Our date pretty much ended like that :D

2010-11-11T01:02:00.000+08:00

It's NOT okay. I'm not not not fine at all.
So please stop the Fina, you okays. I just truly don't need that at all.
I'm sorry.

2010-11-01T17:25:00.002+08:00

When you have lived almost your entire life being ignored, being second best, you become conditioned to feeling a certain way… feeling useless, ugly, pathetic, worthless. You eventually isolate yourself from the rest of the world. Over time you begin to believe it, so when the day comes that somebody is genuinely nice to you, somebody sincerely cares for you, compliments you, reaches out and touches you… you’re in disbelief, frozen in confusion. It even hurts a fraction to hear and feel such kindness being offered. Even the smallest gestures touch my soul, the smallest kindness will ease my suffering. You can’t even begin to understand what it means to me, to hear a few kind words… because one hundred percent of the time, I feel utterly and irrevocably disgusting in every sense.

2010-10-31T23:26:00.000+08:00

Mama I love you. You're one strong woman I truly salute all my life. Me and Selena watch you work day night week and months trying to swallow all the pain. You told me life won't be easier later. I told myself I'll be prepared. Mama, worry not. You'd be my first and only option. It's okay if I lose them as I don't lose you. Mama I'm sorry if I hadn't been good. But I promise you I will. But if you could only just quit standing so strong and just cry ; just let it all out. It hurt when you stared me back with the helpless eyes.
Her face clear of tears. I watched her discreetly fighting back all the words.
My words were limited. I've always prepared for this day to take place, always had been. But I didn't know when today finally came, my heart just crash. Tonight couldn't get any worser than this.
This will change from today onwards. Yes, I have been further notified before.
But thing is, I didn't the truth really could hurt this much.

2010-10-24T19:57:00.000+08:00

I can foresee that I will have a fabulous holiday ahead.
Not really much with 8 choir rehearsals coming up, but pretty much all with catching up with mama and esther. HAHAAA. I swear. Oh yeah, plus plus, esther have enrolled a pretty good job for both of us. I guess that should take up some of our time. I wouldn't be dying at home then! Hahaa. Ohhhh, and a lot of shopping together with her, buying concert tickets(heck yeah! We're going for a freaking concert next year la my god. Haha, Not quite a gugu-gaga fan of JB, but my best friend is! So ohwell, she did so much for me by sponsoring the ticket, so why not! Besides, Taylor Swift's coming to Singapore on February next year!!!!! Me and esther have pretty much plan to go for the front seats for more of the worth the its.)
Oh oh oh. Me and esther have plans for next year. Secret only us know. Heheee.
Besides, helloooooo, it's O level year next year. Which means no time for all this things anymore. So why freaking not make full use of it during the holidays.

P.s. I figured there's no reason I should keep at this sorrow state all the time. They say pain is inevitable and is of no choice. But suffering - it's definitely an option. So why waste all my youth years for someone or maybe some people who doesn't acknowledge much less appreciated me. Why go on fighting when it's clear enough it's no point waiting. This isn't words of surrendering in the battle. Ain't words of giving up. This is what they call, letting go. Cause dude, you never even was mine in the first place. I guess I've straighten my thought out and I'm pretty much contented with what you've left for me to clear up with. Hey you know it's not easy. By this, I'm not just losing you, I've lost my best friend. I truly think I have.

self-control.

2010-10-22T22:37:00.000+08:00

Restless restless restless. I honestly need to get busy like asap before my mind starts wandering off again.
This hasn't always been a problem to me. But it just seem to lately. Realllllyyyyyyyyy, just hurry up school end already can.
Mygod. Still have a week more to cover. Ag.
Searching for job for the holidays though... Well, truth is I never supported young 15 year olds applying for any job initially. I have my own reason. But after contemplating, ah well, rather than dying day by day at home, Imma as well just gain a couple few experiences plus plus plus, extra cash in my pocket. Well I don't assume I will be having a lot of friends' outings and stuff like that, just ohwell, saving up for my Sydney Trip :D Not anything urgent or anything. Well can just say I just want to get occupied okay. Okay, I have yet to tell my mum about this anyway. Ahhwells.
TGIF. Quite a tiring week for me though. Good thing weekend's finally here. But whatever every day is just like any other day. I either be this or that. Boring. IHML (figure out the abbreviation yourself). I swear. Lately, yes, I admit, my rate of sensitivity level has been increasing.
I really need self-controls.

2010-10-20T20:27:00.000+08:00

You know that feeling? When you’re just waiting. Waiting to get home, into your room, close the door, fall into bed, and just let everything out that you kept in all day. That feeling of both relief and desperation. Nothing is wrong. But nothing is right either. And you’re tired. Tired of everything, tired of nothing. And you just want someone to be there and tell you it’s okay. But no one’s going to be there. And you know you have to be strong for yourself, because no one can fix you. But you’re tired of waiting. Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else. Tired of being strong. And for once, you just want it to be easy. To be simple. To be helped. To be saved. But you know you won’t be. But you’re still hoping. And you’re still wishing. And you’re still staying strong and fighting, with tears in your eyes. You’re fighting.

For those who reflected your concerns are dearly appreciated. I just this shall pass, like always. Only, the phase will be more tougher. I hate driving on this road. No directions, no traffic. It's like I'm lost, but somehow in a path that's leading me to somewhere. Just, somewhere I'm not sure.
Heck. My future does look vague, doesn't it?

self-inflicts.

2010-10-17T22:50:00.000+08:00

41% of people believe that self-harm is selfish. 55% believe that it is stupid. 43% know someone that has self-harmed. One in ten people have harmed by the age of sixteen.
Self-harm does not make you suicidal. It does not make you emo. It is simply a way that many use to rid themselves of stress or pain or whatever it may be. Over 3 million people in the US have self-harmed or still do.
Cutting is not just a girl’s disorder. Anyone can do it. Males, females, and persons that don’t fit into the gender binary. And it is not just teens, either. Both Princess Diana and Johnny Depp have gone through it. The person who always seems happy could be victim to it. Anyone.
There are other forms of self-harm besides cutting or mutilation. There’s CSP; a disorder where you’ll pick at your skin, bite your skin, bite your nails, or pull out hair, usually when you’re bored or due to perfectionism. There’s also burning yourself, and other things that could cause injury such as hitting yourself or other objects.
Some people don’t realize they’re doing it. Some people don’t think it’s wrong. Some people become addicted. People don’t hide their cuts or marks hoping someone will find them unless they actually want help to get better. It’s often hidden because they’re afraid of someone seeing. People don’t show off their scars because they’re cool. They’re just there. And there’s no point in hiding them. Often people become proud of their scars because they know they’re past it.
An orange ribbon is used as a self-harm awareness symbol. Those suffering from it or have been through it or support it often wear one. To Write Love On Her Arms is amazing for what they do. They help people get past their self-harm or addictions or suicidal thoughts. Many people don’t support TWLOHA, but I think it’s an amazing cause.
You do not have to have gone through anything like this to support it. Sometimes all people want to know is that they’re not alone. Don’t judge someone based on the marks they have on their arms. You don’t know what they’ve been through. Rather, be proud of them for making through it. Life can be a bitch.

I can't help but reblog this. Source from http://loopie2008-stock.deviantart.com/art/hope-166373574

the second.

2010-10-15T22:07:00.001+08:00

For one superficial "lovely" fact, in knowing, or realising, that I've never really been on someone's top priority list. Never be the first. As much as I try to picture it. Never. Kinda disheartening at times, like of course. No matter wherever. In school. Or back home. I am never fail to be someone's second option. This feeling of high insecurity was one of the main few reasons why I retract trusts from some those to whom I dearly dearly love.
I told myself, time and again that if I just continue living in this life full of self-doubts, I can never succeed in moving on at anything. And I really mean, anything and everything in life. Take today for example. For the fact that, I still hide, and still fear of confrontation, I was never over it. I truly hate how it affects me, still, how it still makes me worry, still. I hate hate hate that one particular fact. I hate how he just make it seem as if I was the only who's been through it and he's never part of the drama in the first place. I hate how he always use his stupid ego as his stupid shield, when its apparent enough it's so transparent.
Yet still. Back to myself - self-doubt. If only I'd just thrash it and just goddamn move on, things would be far far far better. Honestly, dude, you started the wound. You're the first.
Sigh. As much as I want to curse and yell about all the goddamn things about you, truth is, the fault's on me. I shouldn't have expect. I really shouldn't have. Because you know what's wrong with falling for someone you're not right for? You fall for anyway, because you thought he might be any different.

Right. Enough. God. I've been blabbering about my stupid unsolved personal ever since, forever? OKay, time for updates :-D
So. EOY's over. Bet I'm the last one to announce. Ah well. Finally, I can put a goddamn rest to all those sleepless nights session with my books.
All our results will be returned next week though. MM, my confidence kinda wavered if you ask me how'd I think I'd done this time round. Cause truth is, I know I'm going to screw up 2 papers :3
Just pray that I'd sustain my results.
Today's graduation day... God. Hate it? Nahh, k, loathe it. I was actually not planning to come, since I've just recovered and all, but the idea of meeting my lovely council mates, just spur my spirit. Besides, my entire life had been either them or them. Hah. OKay, major sidetrack. Alright, so duty was prize-givers again. Boring. I slept at backstage during the form teacher's well wishes. Nadia kept bugging me to go down cause the freaking heat was stimulating, but for the sake of my "ego", I decided not to. Stubborn, yeahh. Right...
Headed home with Emmy <3 Had our usual Pour&Tell sessions while she contemplates in going for her dance or not. Ahwell, her "rebel" intentions failed. So I head home while emmy head back to school.
Alright, just say that life's been really really...mm, unpredictable. VERY, indeed. Scary sometimes how I have to pace up with the changes lately.

you killed it.

2010-10-13T18:51:00.000+08:00

Because truth is, they will always leave. Never stayed. Because they're only our best friends for a moment. Then next they make you seem like a second option. You know what sucks more is knowing and believing that you can actually place your trust on them, and yet they hurt you like crazy now. Once or twice, its negotiable. But if apology accepted time and again and you keep begging for forgiveness, then, I'm afraid I might not be able to build the same trust as were before.
Heck. I’m mad at myself, not you. I’m mad for always being nice. Always apologizing for things I didn’t do, for getting attached, for making you a huge part of my life, wasting time on you, depending on you, thinking about you, wishing for you, dreaming of you, changing for you. And most of all, for not hating you when I know that I should.
You know, I'm not complaining. Just ... telling.
Maybe, just goddamn maybe, it's time to wake up. And tell myself instead that there's not a goddamn soul I can really truly trust. Because sometimes...goddamn sometimes...the sad part is that, you just have yourself to trust.
And you know what, dude. If you think that I'd attempt for giving up before even fighting, heckdangshutthehellup. Because even before I attempt my first try, I got smacked in the brain telling me to back off cause things might just got a little bit more crazier, and the next moment I know, I didn't went berserk, but just the pain penetrates via the goddamn place I call, my heart. And you think I might just proceed in trying to fight for something I know wouldn't even give me a wink of acknowledgment, dude, then you don't know me well and enough. Cause, god knows, I'm through. Might not be thoroughly through, though.
But just know that I'm t h r o u g h you.

Hear me cry.

2010-09-25T12:12:00.002+08:00

"Sometimes you just need to distance yourself from people. If they care, they’ll notice. If they don’t, you know where you stand."

PreMenstrual Syndrome.

2010-09-23T21:02:00.002+08:00

Because things are okay now, you don't need me. One of the sole reason why I'd step back and gave in.
I'd given attitudes - to see who'll care. I'd reply one-word answer - to see who'll care. I don't talk - to see who'll care. I don't emote - to see who'll care. I walked away - to see who'll care. As expected, no one does.

If you’re not ready, then I’ll wait; If you have something to say, then I’ll listen; If you’re all alone, then I’ll keep you company; If you start to think I’m annoying, then I’ll keep my distance; If you don’t like me back, then I’ll understand. But if this whole thing is a game to you and you won’t take this shit seriously, then I have no reason why I should even bother trying with you.

So after all, I'm just a I-want-to-borrow-you someone to you.

I’ve just had a depressing realization: I have nothing unique or special to offer to anyone, I am entirely replaceable.

Right. So tomorrow's the last day of school week. 6 more days to EOY. Crazy to think that's just mygod, an armlength away from commiting suicide if I don't put in my extra 200% effort.
Ms Chua's probably right. We might be motivated to revise at one point of time, but then, as days goes by, we realized ourselves laying back even more than before because truth is, we got lazier(instead of the opposite) when exams are approaching. I have to agree.
This post already proves it all. Distractions... Heck yes. A lot, crazy a lot a lot, lately.
Sigh sigh sigh.

"We don’t always have a choice how we get to know one another. Sometimes, people fall into our lives cleanly—as if out of the sky, or as if there were a direct flight from Heaven to Earth—the same sudden way we lose people, who once seemed they would always be part of our lives."

Ohhkay.
Till then. Daa blov-vers.

Taylor Alison Swift.

2010-09-18T14:11:00.001+08:00

"When you’re a little girl, you believe in fairytales. And you say you’re going to find Prince Charming and he’s going to be everything you want him to be. In fairytales, the bad guy is easy to spot. He’s always wearing a black cape. Then you grow up. You find out that Prince Charming isn’t as easy to find as you thought. The bad guy isn’t wearing a black cape. He’s really cute and he makes you laugh."

— Taylor Swift

mine.

2010-09-07T10:35:00.003+08:00

I remember a girl who used to say this, "Life is unfair. You put someone first who puts you second. You study your ass off for a final only to get a B in the class when you deserved an A. You give 110% to someone in a relationship when they only give 40%. You’re there for your best friend at 3 a.m. when they need it the most & the next day they don’t pick up their phone. You give something your all & sometimes get little to nothing back. You care so much about someone who doesn’t care enough about you to say hi once in a while. You give someone your time & they give you “sorry, I’m busy”. It seems like you’re giving everyone everything & they’re just walking away with it."
Fortunately, that girl finally learn to grow up. I'm actually glad that she is.

Alrighty, Tuesday already. Guess what? Homework left untouched, I'm kinda "grounded" in a way that my parents don't allow me to go out, with all this preparation for Hari Raya thing going on, with her goingggg crazyyy with her business ventures. Sighh. So I pretty much devote my 93% of my time to the internetcumbloggingcumIM-ingcumbloghopping. The other 7% is via texting some possible contacts(yet some had a harddddddddddddddddddddd time of reply me). I can't figure out any other way to make good use of my time. This is just whyyy, holiday sucks people.

Blov-vers, your holiday were spent catching up with movies and meeting up with friends(lucky you, I say). But for the unfortunate me, I have to be running around, helping mum with her annual Hari Raya business and get tongue-lashing if things weren't going as scheduled. See people! It's not that I am some crazyy dork, staying at home studying and refuse to accept your invitation to screw some time and party. But for the godforsaken time, people keep occupying me with things to do. And letme tell ya this, suck suck suck sooo muchh I can dieeeeeeeeee.
Mama, I love you, but can you for once, let me get loose a little and let meeeeee have my own break :(

Sigh, okay, no use brooding.
The Queen's arriving home in no time, I better get going already.
Daaaa, blov-vers.
Before that enjoy Taylor's new MV :D

won't stop spinning.

2010-09-04T22:02:00.006+08:00

6 more days to Raya. 11 more days to Concert. 26 more days to EOY. (!!!)

God. No matter how much many many many many of us just wants it to have it all much slower, my dear, THE WORLD WON'T JUST STOP SPINNING FOR YOU. No. That should be an advice to me, instead.
Crazy how August finally said her goodbyes and now we're living in the September days, that means working month, and also the month that proves leads us to whether we'll be struggling or juggling well in October. If you knew what I meant... Mygodmygodmygod. And just in a blink, we'll be sitting for our end of year examinations. I don't know exactly what to feel. Happy cause that just meant that time's finally moving on to the end of 2010? Or, scared, cause it's EOY, we're talking here?
I'm finding myself pacing pretty well this year. A little few factors that actually doesn't quite made sense. Thing is, I've got way way way a lot of responsibilities to hold this as compared to last year. So I don't quite get how my grades are extraordinarily better than last year. AHWELL, it must be the lesser subjects.

So. Now. We're already dipping in to a new month. September. Whether or not it'll be another shit month or the opposite. Kinda have to depend of myself for that. Targets for September: (hmm?)
* prioritizing.
* time management.
* stop procrastinating.(godness, Fina, serious? This target will surely be the ultimate failure)
* happy mum.
* happy friends.
* happy me.
* happy everyone.

Give me a chance. Let me give all this a try. If all else fails, which is impossibleimpossible, THERE'S SERIOUSLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH MEEEEE. HAHA.
Okey dokey. I'm sure this is more than enough of the updates you'all hoped for uh.

Wait, before that. Here's a little something for ya'll.

I find it awfully awesome how a mediocre someone can do this for THE WONDERFUL TAYLOR SWIFT. Tyler Swift? Cute huh. Haha. Taylor, I HIGHLY VOTED HIM. I mean come on, Joe Jonas? Taylor Lautner? Toby Hemingway? Cory Monteith? They superstars. I mean I know you are. But a star is not good match to another superstar. And besides you said it yourself in "Hey Stephen" : all those other girls, well they're beautiful, but would they write a song for you. Tyler Ward's doing that for you. Taylor, all those other men, well they're heck yeah as eligible for you, but they couldn't be able to write a rendition for you. Aiyyyy, just accept him, will ya. HEHEEE. Alright, but WHATEVER it is, FOREVER TAYLOR♥

Smiless. Heh. GOODBYESSSS, MY LOVES<3<3<3
P.S. I think I'll go anti-love. I mean, butterflies in the tummy, heart skips beats. Dear. It can't be safe.

all the shits : h i s t o r y, dude.

2010-09-03T21:20:00.000+08:00

Today I came to realise one very awfully wonderful thing. That no matter how my life used to suck, how people use to give me bullshits, how deeply I've been hurt, how terrible I've felt, I was and will never going to be alone. I'm still being surrounded by a sea of wonderful creatures. My dear friends. And to me, it's more than enough of a blessing to have them in my life. Crazy, annoying, jerks, whatever. They made almost half of my life more rejuvenating.

And for now, Fina, if you don't appreciate what life's been giving you, you sure are losing a lot of things. HECK YEAHH. I totally need to take my own advice seriously. Haha.
Have a fruitful term break <3<3<3

2010-09-03T21:10:00.001+08:00

“This is how it works. I love the people in my life, and I do for my friends whatever they need me to do for them, again and again, as many times as is necessary. For example, in your case you always forgot who you are and how much you’re loved. So what I do for you as your friend is remind you who you are and tell you how much I love you. And this isn’t any kind of burden for me, because I love who you are very much. Every time I remind you, I get to remember with you, which is my pleasure.”

okay.

2010-09-01T15:18:00.001+08:00

I’d love to tell you that everything’s going to be okay. That’s what everyone told me, but it’s just not. You can stay here or you can go back; either way, it’s going to suck. But I figure, at least when it sucks, you know you’re alive. I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s okay when everything sucks. It means you’re somewhere.

fear.

2010-08-30T21:48:00.002+08:00

I used to be afraid of so many things..that I’d never grow up, that I’d be trapped in the same place for all eternity, that my dreams would forever be shy of my reach. It’s true what they say: time plays tricks on you. One day you’re dreaming, the next your dream has become your reality. And now that this scared little girl no longer follows me wherever I go, I miss her. I do. Cause there are things I wanna tell her; to relax, to lighten up, that it’s all going to be ok. I want her to know that meeting people who like you, who understand you, who actually accept you for who you are, will become an increasingly rare occurrence. These people who contributed to who I am, they’re with me wherever I go, and as history gets rewritten in small ways with each passing day, my love for them only grows. Cause the truth is.. it was the best of times. Mistakes were made, hearts were broken, harsh lessons learned, but all of that has receded into fond memory now. How does it happen? Why are we so quick to forget the bad and romanticize the good? Maybe it’s cause we need to believe that the time we spent together actually meant something, that we were there for each other in a time in our lives that defined us all, a time in our lives that we’ll never forget. I can’t swear this is exactly how it happened. But this is how it felt.

Eve of my 15th birthday.

2010-08-22T16:46:00.000+08:00

I'll update more, later.
Till then, enjoy the rest of your weekend <3

the uncertainity.

2010-08-17T23:34:00.000+08:00

So what if I came clean, and told you all you mean to me? So what if I meant every word I said? So what if I write your name cause you're always on my brain. Don't be getting any big ideas, let me make it clear. Just cause I can't go on, just cause I die when you're gone and just cause I think of you in bed, don't let it go to your head, don't let it go to your head.

P.s. Wild and crazy. I don't care. For just this once, I really really wish time would tick a little bit faster.

2010-08-17T23:16:00.002+08:00

I can't sleep. I've got a long to-do list. I'm tired. I want to sleep.

an understatement.

2010-08-12T21:15:00.000+08:00

My theory is if I stop talking to you, maybe you would start to miss me, but sometimes I think this is what life is all about - hanging on when your hearts had enough, and giving more when you want to give up.

Today I learnt a very important lesson: I can never fully understand a person, no matter how long the period of knowing them. Can, never.

NDP: blessing tool in disguise.

2010-08-07T13:54:00.000+08:00

NDP's over. The concert received a couple of positive comments. Phew, I'm glad.
Now I can finally alter my attention to other focus and aspects of my life. One of which are my studies. However though, I find this very ironical. The busier I got with the NDP going on, the better my results have been. But I shan't place my luck and risk it just like that too often, cause my SS test I've sat for previously, have been a major disaster. Perhaps, what Afiq had said, might just come true: My first test to fail.
I would not bail on having that thoughts either, cause truly, I never did study much. But whattodo. It's over. Happened and the past. I'mma just waiting for my results and do a much better job the next round.

It's going to be a real looooooooooooooooooong weekend but I've yet any plans to pamper myself after all the sleepless nights I've had lately. There might(or might not) be a council cum national day outing on Monday though. Love to go, but thing is, clashes with family day. MM, so perhaps, my attendance might not be permanent I guess.
Ahwell, I shall find myself any other way of entertainment myself - either with my fam or my friends. Heh. And starting from Wednesday onwards, ultimate priority would be my academs and my class.
EOY's coming up dear blov-vers. Cut out all your laidback/procrastinating ideas till the end of our eoy. Nothing's impossible. The word's enough to explain it all, i-m-possible<3
Alrighty, daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Enjoy your long weekend.
LOVE LOVE LOVE.

graze up a pretty smile, strangers.

2010-08-01T23:58:00.001+08:00

YO WHAT'S UP, my dear BLOV-VERS!

(God, lately, I'm much too addicted with Eugene's normal routine greeting, haha. Missed it at times though.)

Finally, I'm done with my 12-page Food and Nutrition research. 6 hours straight on that. My fingers got too numb after all those typing, sigh. Yet, I still am bombarded with NDP admins. The teachers, even our dearest Mrs Kok's expecting a boom for this year's NDP concert. Ohm, God, guide us along. I know there'll sure to be fall stumbles and mistakes along the way, but I just wish I'd pull through all of this good and back in one piece. This'll perhaps the last time I'll be this committed to organizing a programme for the school, so I want it good, maybe, best. Grant me, please.

Things have been going back to where it's supposed to be. Amazingly, but yes... Everything starts to fall back together. Without even my slightest intents. I'm finding myself grazing up smiles more often than ever before. Perhaps this is the kind of road I want to live in for the next teenyears. I love my friends, I love my family. Truly I love my best friends.
It'd be 12 in another 9 more minutes. I've been up since 7 am earlier this morning, doing work, work, work and work, yet nothing beats out of me. Surprisingly, I never set myself on the bed. Not once, not at all today. HAHA. A GREAAAAAAATTTT ACHIEVEMENT. YAY!
Tomorrow's going to be another looooooooooooooooooonggg day for me. I hope I can still survive till tomorrow. OH YES, I CAN :D

OKEYY, I'm yet to do 3/4 of my To-Do list. One of which, touching on my Sciences. HEH.
Alrighty. Enough on the screen already! Say byebye weekend, hello workdays.
NIGHTTTTT, MY LOVELY LOVELY LOVELY BLOV-VERS. MUAH(k).

P.S. I want to be your favourite hello and your hardest goodbye. I LOVE YOU ♥

mathematics.

2010-07-31T20:12:00.003+08:00

I just finished listening to Rascal Flatts's songs when it came to me how much I loooooooooooooooovee country music <3. Not to worry Taylor, I still love your pieces too. Oh and Carrie and Lady .A. <3<3<3

From morning till now, I've managed to complete both my E and A Math revision-cum-homework. Guess, I could say that's an accomplishment huh? Haha.
I figured that I love Secondary School's Math more than Primary Schools' where I'm forced to face with a lot of work problems here and there. So unlike Secondary School's math where all you're required is master the basic materials, understand formulas, do occasion revisions and you're pretty much on track with what that have been taught.
I'm really hoping that both my Mathematics marks are able to aid me pull my overall marks later at the end of the year, cause truly, honestly, I have this fear of both my Sciences (not so much with Chemistry however, with special concern to Physics, but of course). Mrs Oh did said that I'm doing pretty fine with the learning and all, but I still have doubts in whether, I can pull the "fine" to a "great" instead cause I just want to get a fairly good B3 or perhaps, if my luck's good, a just-pass A2. Reason is, I looooooooooove Chemistry and I guess I can ace it pretty okay. But if my Physics' results gonna be such a sloppy number, then what good would it turn out for my combined science's grade then?
Sigh, this is the due consequences for having to take combine science. I thought it'd be terribly much easier than pure. But then........... it's not really.
Alright, I still have F&N's research to complete. God, this is another subject I'd place my heaviest worry for for my EOY. "~"

Kk, work hard everyone. I know it's not that too close to The Crucial End Of Year Examination period, but honestly, listen to our Mr Soong. By procrastinating, we'll just an inch away in getting disappointing results. So why risk it when you are given alllllllll the time now?
Shush. K, enough of the lectures already.
Till now, DAAAAA<3

MATHEMATICS

It may not teach us how to breathe oxygen

and how to exhale carbon dioxide.

Or to love a friend and forgive an enemy.

It may not even help us find our way to our

true love.

But it gives us every reason to hope that

every problem has a solution.

fluctuated feelings.

2010-07-30T21:44:00.001+08:00

I've got a conclusion to make.
It seems to me that the busier I am with things, the happier I am. &, God, Mdm A, you're so right: Pressure's a pleasure. Mum said I followed her, well I guess, I can say so ;-D
Gotta thank these NDP things going on lately. I've been too occupied with council matters that my mind somehow wanders off from the things that happened to me lately. I love my life-makers, my lovely lovely lovely friends. I love Sheela, I love Emily, I love the counc-eeee-luhhhs. I love my mum. I guess the word l o v e now seem to be blinking everywhere now. No matter how suck my day got, just this people made the factor to give up, for me to make through the day. I'm glad, truly glad that I'm over manyyyyyyy things now. Things that made me think that it's not worth occupying a space in my thoughts, in my heart.
Now that I've got exactly a week more left in midst preparation for this year's NDP concert, I can barely get myself to do much of revision. I truly felt that I can never really prioritize things. My studies seem to be descend. I fear for that in time to come, I might not be able to handle the blow. But, rot. It's just another excuses I've made up to compromise myself to be lazy and keep procrastinating.
To answer to many of your questions about my current life right now, there's never going to be any accurate reply. Fluctuated feelings. Like lately, I realised that I have a seriously high potential of a teenage liar. Truly able to keep my pretense an act... But I love the me now. Goshhh, FINA!

Alrightzzzzzzzz, DAAA BLOV-VERS<3

nothing's constant.

2010-07-24T18:39:00.000+08:00

It's peculiar how people just walk in and out of our life. At the present moment, you may think they are always going to be there, forever - forever and always. A few months passes and they aren't even in your life anymore. Something changed, and they only stay in a chapter of your life, their chapter in your life is now over, they are now no one. A whole new chapter begins...everything changes. Nothing stays the same, nothing's ever constant, ever permanent. We're constantly moving in and out of others' lives, jumping from one person to the next and just a new chapter in another person's story... I'd like to remain a main character for once... I wish I could put you in my story once again. I don't understand how you went from my main character to... nothing.

I guess, things can't ever remain constant. That is sometimes why I'm being reminded to make use of time sparingly well.

Alright. Enough of all those dramas. Let's start a proper update.
My Saturday morning was apparently taken away by this year's Honors' Day. However I shall conclude that instead of enjoying another couple more hours in bed, and waking up doing something reallllll boring such as starting on my usual work, I sacrificed those sleep-in-bed hours to a morning fill with things that jusst, hah, just just just cost me a gleeful smile. Thanks to who-else only councillors <3
Mr Soong, who was apparently one of the organising committee members for the 2010 Honors' Day, promised us a McD breakfast today. So I rushed out of home without even bother to made myself a breakfast.
However so, this year's Honors' Day seemed a little bit too dry as I'm doing more of the "ushering" work, which means the bowings and the greetings and all. Fortunately, Ian kept me entertained though :D AWWWW, so niceeeee. HEHE. We talked pretty much on this BGR topic and funny how I seemed to be pouring quite a lot to him lol. Ian, seemed to be a truly honest person I realised. Honestly honest, like seriouslyyyyy. Hahah.
After which we're required to head up to the hall to help in the servings for the refreshments. God, I tell you this, even with me standing at the side of the drink dispenser, some parents just totally snub me off when I asked them, "Coffee or Tea, sir/ma'am?". AH, epic humiliation Fina. HAH. I got tired of being "The Invisible" so I sneak off from my duty and went around taking pictures. LOL. After the crowd of parents and the prize recipients have shown decrease in numbers, hah, all of us, the impatient greedy councillors grabbed for our portion and help ourselves with the leftovers. Cleaning up.. Then, DISMISSED!
Though it was a short 4 hours day with the lovely-as-always councillors, TOLD YA, IT COST ME AN EXPENSIVE JOY. HAHAAAA. I <3 THEM.

KK, BORING LONG POST. SO, I'LL END HEREEE.
DAA BLOV-VERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
MUAH MUAH.

piecing back.

2010-07-20T19:35:00.000+08:00

Things are getting tougher and tougher now. Relationships gets more and more complicated, revisions are just stealing your sleeps, school assignments are piling up, fun&entertainment days with friends are indirectly taken away, fights and quarrels with even your dearest friends now are inevitable. Yet, a higher demand of good quality work from teachers. As always. Sigh. But, what do you expect people? It's SEMESTER 2. THE 4TH WEEK ALREADY. No more time to spare for my lazy thoughts ANYMORE. However, I see myself procrastinating most of the time. Argh, the disease I believe almost 9/10 of a sane student population is having. I swearrrrr. But sometimes, can't help it, I've got way too much of a work to be completed by that day. Oh, so, does that count as being a procrastinater?
Every now and then it always feel weekdays are just way too draggy and weekend came by too fast. The ratio between study and playtime can never be balanced. So, that just explains why I got so tensed up sometimes. Honestly, really really, who the heck wants to get stressed up if you have just mighty mighty loads of work to be completed...
They say there's nothing in this world that will never cause you sorrow, but you have to find one thing that will cause you sorrow but worth the while.

To I-Hope-You-Know-Its-You,
I miss you. It's undeniable. I can try to avoid it as much as I want, but I can't help aching to have you back whenever you vaguely cross my mind. The worst part probably is that you don't miss me back. I wouldn't be surprised if I never even crossed your mind. Why don't you want me back? What we had was so great. I want to run back to you so badly and confess everything I feel, but I know it's futile. Nothing will change. You won't care. And now the only thing I have left to do is sit here and gruelingly wait for this pain to p a s s.
Love duh-you-know-who.

rapid changes.

2010-07-17T22:18:00.000+08:00

Where the hell has happiness been lately? WHY THE HECK DO I SEE SORROWS INSTEAD OF SMILES IN THEIR FACES? WHERE THE BLOODY HECK ARE ALL MY HAPPY FRIENDS?
DEAR best friend,
what happened to you? When in the world did you change? Change into a completely different person I used to know 2 years back? I'm telling you this once and for all - STOP YOUR SILLY IDIOTIC FOOLISH ACT ALREADY. What? You wanna say you fail at love? SHUT UP OKAY. JUST SHUT UP. I fail countless more times than you could ever count with your ten fingers, but never has I, NEVER EVER EVER EVER has I resort to hurting myself like that.
How can you hurt your hand. The hand that doodled OOMA's name all over my science textbook. The hand that helped me craft out the most beautiful priceless one and only wooden craft meant for someone, now I realized totally unworth of. The hand that texted me, almost every day just to make me feel a little better. The hand that caused you to get such high grades. The hand that caused you to get to the best class. The hand that holds mine. & most importantly, the hand that caught me, when I fell.
Best friend, you're not only hurting your dear self. You're hurting the rest. The rest that equally loves you. I didn't mean to barge in to your love life and starts being The Hero here. I just want you to know that just as one door closes, the other door opens up wide.
I love you, best friend.

struggling through the darkest storms.

2010-07-17T12:21:00.000+08:00

V e r b o p h o b i a

words can totally kill me. sometimes, though.

If you could measure my life in a graph, oh heck yeah, the results will display fluctuation. Yes, I've been surpassing through A LOT A LOT A LOT of ups and downs lately. It's like my mood can totally sucked for one particular day, and then once I meet my dear councilors, say goodbye to nasty mood. Yeah, like that feeling.

Few nights ago, I kept myself awake, thinking of the things that happened to me lately - with things back at home, in school, the class, how I'm juggling my relationships with my friends, and stuff like that. However, I love the fact that no matter how succccky my day can be, there's just one ouncy mini little things someone can do, turn till all that sucky sucky day completely upside down. & for that, I'm staying a little more happier for that one moment, even though the other 3/4 of my life has been miserably awfully sucky.

You might just be wondering where the heck have I been the past few days for seeing me NOT updating lately. Ohwell, you finally got your doubts clarified. For the fact that, I'm now on a possibly-or-impossible mission to unleashing my leadership potential.

July doesn't necessarily predict the miserable line of my life. Maybe, just maybe... it's a newly adventure carved for me. Because Mr Harriet Beecher Stowe once said that when you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, never give up then, for that is just the time that the tide will turn.

ALRIGHT, NOW I have exactly 9 HOURS TO COMPLETE The Task ( God Max la! ). This is my first ever time planning for a concert. Hope, with the help of the other dear NDP meeting, it'll be a success. This is what I meant by one of the newly adventures I'm in for. Hhah.

I <3 you, BLOV-VERS.

moanday.

2010-07-12T20:34:00.000+08:00

Not being able to help a friend when they're sad, is one of the worst things I can think of. I can only watch and it breaks my heart all those time.
Oh, I dread Monday. I dread Physics. I dread waves. I dread homework. I dread never-ending lessons. I dread PE. I dread F&N's coursework. I dread short-hours of sleep. GAH, I DREAD LIFE.
This term's sure is moving at a full-speed. God. I made people angry at me because of my selfish thoughts due to this busy scheduleeeeeeeee. :( :( :(

JULY JULY OH JULY. However, I gotta spur on.
I don't want to waste my life in sighs. I really, don't want.

Saturday Smiles.

2010-07-10T23:34:00.003+08:00

HERSHEYS'♥

My Saturday finally feels fruitful :D
Mum woke me up at 7. I delayed a lot of times, so I fina-lee decided on settling to wake up by 7. Got ready and mum sent me to Civic. Waited for Liana and the rest to come with Haizan :)
After the registration and all of admin matters all settled, we tour around Causeway before starting to get tired and yearning for a place to just pass time. Finally, we decided on Starbucks♥.
Everything pretty much ended by 11am. Chances of me winning might not be there, but ohwell, I guess I can still say there's a flinch of hope. Well, head home after struggling on borrowing 2 godforsaken library books with Liana.

Initial plan was to rush home to shower, get changed, take all my necessary stuff (ie. laptop etc) and head back to WRL for the English Project. But suddenly, all of the going back to WRL feels tiring. I suggested them to come over instead since there's no guarantee at that period, there'll be any seats left for us, anyway. Plus plus plus, free lunch would be provided. So, haha, a lot of poaching.

Esther came, followed by Hafiz.
Awkward awkward awkward moment when Hafiz finally came. We had the presentation slides partially ready before he arrived. So the awkward, didn't actually turned out awkward eventually. Had a little, mini pour&tell session with them two. God, ranting rages to someone was especially a hard thing to do, but I've got no choice. GOTTA LET IT OUT ALREADY. IT'S BEEN A WEEK, FGS! Then, we did the slides and editing circa an hour plus plus before giving them lunch mum cooked. HEEEEEE. I swear, ESTHER'S ATTEMPT TO WASH THE DISHES: (lol) SO cuteeeeeeeeeee!
Then we continued on with the project and everything. Ohgosshhh, Hafizz seriously vandalized (but this version is but with my permission) my handbook !!!!!!!!!! HAHHAAHAHAAA. Parts of my October's pages were all-mostly, of his drawings. Hah. While he's with that, and Esther with the video-editing, I blasted some musics to break any more awkward silences.
Sadly, Esther had to leave soon since her parents were already waiting for her downstairs. After which, I got a little too restless cause I can't seem to be concentrating on the slides any longer lol. Hafiz: SELF-CONSCIOUS ALERT. Haha.
So my dad told me to go out to the dining table. We end up aborting the project work, and finally decided on what each of us are to do and all and started on A-Math. Coaching Hafiz A-Math, finally made me realized how much I, myself have to brush up too. GOOOH.
Hafiz left at 6.30 and I started eating cum snacking again. Even till now. God, I swearrrrrr. It's like endless eating for the day. Had chicken for breakfast, and another one for supper. How delightful. See if these prolongs for a month, you might see 3 of me-s. LOL. I'll be growing rapidly gah.

Kkk. I guess this should fit for the day. Whoa, finally, a full-length update. Ohyeah :D This week's been hectic enough. I want a simple bliss. At least Saturday brought me. Thanks, Hafiz, Esther <3

KAY, MUM, I'M SLEEPING ALREADY!!! STOP FEEDING ME WITH CHICKENS DAY & NIGHT. AHHHHHHHHH.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.
BEST FRIEND:

I know lately, there's this lack of communication between us. Well, truthfully, it's not even "lack" anymore, its the ABSENCE OF COMMUNICATION. And I'm just telling ya this. I CANNOT, honestly, CANNOT stand your silence/ignorance. Really... cannot at all. If you had questions like who'd do I blame, I admit, it was me that was at fault. I started it all first. I initiate all this sudden silence and tension and everythingggggg. YES, ME ME ME. I know no amount of "sorrys" will ever going be any help now. I really thought you'd be there with me when I want to share this joy. This real joy. But, though you're there , your heart never were. I really have to apologize for this. I really don't mean to keep anything off you. It's just that, at this point of time, I don't think telling you the person is any much more appropriate. Trust me, bestfriend, one day, just one day, you'll understand and know it yourself :D Suddenly, all of the last year's bitter experience is starting to show signs of recurrence. I don't wish for it to happen. YOU'RE MY dear dear dear friend. I'll only be left with half of my heart beating if you're never there to support me through the thick and thins. What that really disappoint me lately is your pessimist attitude and your hypocrite self. Bestfriend, I'm sorry. I REALLY AM :( & Know what, I'd rather you shout, cursed or yelled at me rather than keeping silent like this cause hurtful words hurt feelings, but silence breaks my heart.

2010-07-09T20:32:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I just want to fill up a pillow case full of bricks and throw it at peoples' heads because they piss me off so badly.

2010-07-09T20:14:00.001+08:00

Just because today is a bad day doesn’t mean that tomorrow might not be the best day of your life. You just have to wake up to get there.

happy hours, i've lost them.

2010-07-08T23:29:00.002+08:00

Your heart decides who it likes and who it doesn’t. You can’t tell your heart what to do. It does it all on its own, when you least expect it, or even when you don’t want it to. It loves who it wants to love, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

& that was just when...

GOD! Save me. I'm really feeling at my worst hours now. It's like everything's going wrong. Heckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. Every single dang day, there's always things to rush, things that caused endless disappointments, endless sorrows and sometimes, sudden outrage you realized it was actually stupid to be for, always things that made you hate school so much, that made you hate your stupid life and even things that actually happened that made you... suddenly, just suddenly, hate yourself :( And just when bitter moments came marching into your oh-I-thought-my-life-has-been-perfect-till-now life, when all I wanted was a friend, whom all I asked for is a pair of listening ear, NO ONE WAS THERE. EVERYONE HAS LEFT. Sadly, yes, at just those moments - they left.
Tell me what is not possible not to cry. But, now, who cares about you anymore??? No one will see those sad eyes, the unusual expressions or your fake smiles plastered on your face or even those silent breakdown. NO ONE will everrrrrr everrrrr see. The reason why; happy or sad, smiling or crying, they just won't give a chip to anything, because in the very beginning, we don't even occupy any small fraction of their hearts. And it's just sad cause those were actually the many promises they've made.
Sigh, just bragging about my life already sour this entry's up.
But sometimes, all I need is just that... you. The you somewhere out there. However, things went wrong and there's situations, when stumbles and problems are inevitable, blogging's the best possible way I could think of of letting go.. Still, it's not as effective as telling it to someone who's got the "immediate responses"...

Best Friend (dearrr, BF, you know it's you. Quit asking, and nod your head yes, I'm talking about youuu).
I've got a lot to say. But you won't reply.

I'm fine, but.

2010-07-07T20:15:00.002+08:00

Anyhow I’m fine. I mean, not that I’m over it, but little by little it’s getting easier to pretend it’s easier, which means easier might be right around the corner.

Endless Worries // My Hero.

2010-07-06T18:46:00.000+08:00

I swear, the minute I came home, my mum was the first person I want to hug. For, I know, no matter how many different fights we went through, she'll never stop loving. For no matter how nasty her words could possibly turned out, I knew, deep inside, it's killing her. For no matter what happen, through odds, she'll still love me, all dearly. For, not cause she's my mother, but my hero♥

Today I realized one thing; even if, my friends are all bound to leave me(IF IF IF), even if "The Love of My Life" never sees me, even if they sky turns grey even when it's bright in the morning, even if the world turns upside down, even if, I had to leave everything, I think I'd be happy. If my mum's right there with me, with us. I wouldn't have to think of any other way to get through life without her. OHYEAH. She's THAT important to me. And I love her dearly as much much.

Kay. So. The day? MM, all that I can say is a jar of resentment, a cup of sorrow and a spoonful of joy. YEAHHHHHHHHHHH. For no good reason why, the higher proportionate goes to : a n g e r. Most of the things, angry at myself :@
Tuesday morning usuals. Meeting @ 7. For once, I had all my hopes up to a brand new day. But, :( :( :(, something(s) happened and my heart suddenly initiates to start giving up. SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Head home early again today. Reject Sheela's invitation to watch Eclipse today. SORRRRRYYYYYYY LALA. The movie'd most probably end around 7++. And I don't want my first day for the week to have my mum's temperament level go up again, end up reaching home before 3...

Great. Choir tomorrow. Just received a text from Ms Grace. Another thing to worry for. Sigh.

<3!

The Crazy Ironies of Life.

2010-07-05T16:05:00.007+08:00

I've been going through a lot of drama lately, and I just don't know where to start. Seeing my archives, and how long I've not been posting a proper entry, I don't intend on doing in any sooner. Sorry Hafiz.

Honestly, speaking, these past few days, I've been going through a lot(and when I meant a lot, yes, a heckyeah TONS) of emotions. Yes, ranging from being the All-Miss-Sunshine, can automatically, plunged to the All-Miss-Pompadour who cries a lot. That's the pathetic side of my life. True, I agree. It's dear, inevitable. But the saddest thing ever is that the inevitable-s are always unfortunately befalling on me time and again.

Life to me now, seems like its been going through a lot of transactions lately. People come and go, whenever they like. Got sick of sticking to one, they start seeing the other. While at the other end of the world, people are fighting to get just one person to enter their life. Isn't it ironic?

I don’t understand how you can smile all day long but cry yourself to sleep at night. How pictures never change but the people in them do. How your best friend can become your worst enemy, or how strange it is when your worst enemy turns into your best friend. How forever turns into a few short months that you’d do almost anything to get back. How you can let go of something you once said you couldn’t live without. How even though you know something is best for you, it just hurts the same. How the people who once wanted to spend every second with you, think a few minutes of their time is too much to spare. How people make promises despite knowing how common it is for promises to be broken. How people can erase you from their lives just because it’s easier than working things out.

Simply ironic.

Sigh, but some people just don't see it....

improper update.

2010-07-04T13:01:00.001+08:00

I see the trend now. It just seems that love is going all around these days huh? I realized a lot on that part has been in my vicinity lately. From the one who never ever had the taste of it, to those who are actually kinda sick of it already.
Hey, listen. I’m comfortable around you, and these flirt sessions we have pretty much rock, but you have to win my heart, because right now it’s stuck with some jerk who honestly doesn’t deserve it. But I can’t do anything about it right now because I fell harder for him than I did for anybody else, and unless he randomly disappears off the face of the earth one day, my stomach is still gonna drop to my feet when I see him. So, please, win my heart over.

I hope things are better on your side. I know mine is...
<3 love to all!

New Choir Committee treat.

2010-06-21T00:36:00.001+08:00

I had a definitely g r e a t day today.

So, Ms Grace ask the new Choir Committee out for an ice cream at Marina Square and had this really amazingggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg "lunch", you can call it. Hha. MM, we had mudpie(s), ice-cream float, and a perfect cheese fries to sum it all up. Perfect. What a great treat I swear. I mean, the price explains it all too. Me, Sheela, Illya and Huda, then headed to walk around the esplanade only to find ourselves actually for the train station. Got a little lost along the way, but that was when I really had a good tour-town walk with my fellow peers. I mean, when was actually the first time I went town-touring with my friends???? God, ask my mom. Poor Huda had to experience a bad touring though, with her helpless heels and blisters getting on the way. AWWWH, and hungry Miss Illya practically searching for food(cheesecake at first then, when we fina-lee found our way to a train station, she got herself something else), the day hadn't been any better without them, with dear Sheela but of course.

OKay, now it's late. And I've got no energy to post any further details about today's. Just as descriptive form, wonderful. What else.
Ohkay, so my plan to actually complete a few of my holiday assignments tonight, failed. Well, you can't blame me. I came home at 7++ and got really tired after all those town-touring. So yea, plan: postponed. To tomorrow, I hope.
And seeing, to what that had been discussed with our dear, but only, Ms Grace, suddenly the thought of being part of this new committee, actually getting the chance to lead our dear lovely choir, got me all pretty excited for a start. Hhah. Why had they choose me out of many, well I'm sure they had reasons behind it. And for that, Imma not going to disappoint them. Yes.
Be The First. A slogan not just for the Committee, I figured, perhaps, it'll be good, if it'll be for me, TOO.

K, nights! I'm sleeping already.
BYES.

worry-sic.

2010-06-19T14:09:00.001+08:00

The feeling of completing a book spells w o n d e r f u l. Especially when the book got adjectives plaques of "beautiful" all over it. Indeed was a beautiful story. Girlfriend Material by Melissa Kantor: D

Alrigght. So yesterday, went out with a couple few of the SLs. Caught a movie at 4 after grabbing some lunch at McD. We were practically debating on which movie to watch. We settled for The A-Team. Let me tell you my first impression on that one. Err, some lame action movie? Ohwell, yeah. But god, dude, you have to really be on seat and watch that movie, to really fall in love with it. Haha, I swear. With Sheela sitting beside me, Friday evening with my lovely SLs, wasn't even to my slightest regret. The show's awesome. I just gotta say this. I love Mi/yrda ♥ He's so cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, mygod. Haha.

Okey, so I kinda past my curfew last night. By half an hour at least. But I had a great time, of course. Well, I hope tomorrow's Choir Committee treat to ice-cream by The Highness Ms Grace would be as well. But the sound of Choir made my stomach lurched so much that I can purely throw up any moment now. I missed a couple of rehearsals already ): But not intentionally but, of course. Just things with Council and Choir, clashed up and stuff. Yeah. So hah. Out of my fault. Ohwell, but I still have a new piece to worry for. Yes, and when I meant by new piece, I mean, NEW SONG. Oh yeah. The Choir's up ahead of us by a song yes. God luck to me, Sheela and Illya. I hope that we do a speedy catching up before next Tuesday's rehearsal. Andddddd, GAH. How can I forget, there's a Choir Farewell Party to worry for, TOO? Besides with me being the new part of the Committee, a lot, and I mean A LOT, of involvement is required here. Oh, gosh.

K, I still have a pile of untouched holiday assignments, to NEXT WORRY FOR. It's practically, the "practical" thing I can do, besides worrying for all those above.

Oh, it seems that this weekend will be the last weekend of the holiday most of you will be enjoying. Well, as typically, many will be struggling on completing the assignments the last few days before school reopens. Ermm, for that, good luck, but still DO enjoy your holiday as much first. :)
Daa, blov-vers<3

wonderful only ring me today.

2010-06-17T22:10:00.002+08:00

SO. Went over to visit The Neighbour today(and when I meant THE Neighbour, I meant Malaysia. Well, I know I'm trying to look overly-smart here but by saying I went to visit Malaysia, seems kinda, I dunno, non-classy? Haha, okay, whatevvv, me and my lame imaginations.. anyway). Gosh, I was so cannot sleep before today la! Haha, too excited, I guess?

Fortunately, all those early alarm clocks ringing, seems all worth it because we managed to clear the causeway without getting stuck between traffics. Orelse, if that happens, you would not want to know the story with which mother-daughter fights. Trust me, it happens all the time, ANYWAY.

Mum, decided we "play around" City Square since it's the least distance she could bare walking(note: MY MUM CAUGHT A BAD BAD FEVER FROM ME EVER SINCE LAST NIGHT, oops. But somehow, she managed to get down from her sickbed off to someone's country just to make both her lovely daughters smile. Or maybe get some fresh air off a prison?).
It was circa 10 in the morning and the mall looks shopper-less(or shall I say, Malaysian-less?). Head straight to the buying of movie tickets. The only thing that pulled my morning mood down was, sure, we're watching A movie, but.... I AM WATCHING THE SAME MOVIE, JUST LIKE I DID 4 DAYS AGO! How unfair can life really gets? Well for the matter of fact, my sister have this power of wanting something and she actually GET that something IMMEDIATELY so too bad for the sister(me), I have to (watch the movie, again, I meant).
We practically rushed to the movie hall as soon as popcorn and tickets were bought. Boring... So, the whole time, I'm actually narrating the storyline to my sister. Only at the last part, I did shut up a little because A) it's The LAST PART which means a climax of a story and I don't want them to go wasted watching a movie that is less-suspense, that kinda thing, (or maybe) B) I was frozen up by the low temperature the hall have gotten me by the last hour and couldn't care less to continue being The Narrator anymore to the princess.
After the movie ended, mum had to rush to use the washroom(I dunno, but this kinda sound familiar to me? Ohyeah, right! My movie date with ESTHER. Hahaa, gosh, totally the same scene recurring.) A little of mother-daughter conflicts going on in between. MMM. YEAH.
Next stop is all-the-mighty Food Court. Had our fill there and start mall-touring.
I was nagging on some stupid customized designed t-shirt that cost a durn RM50. Then, I saw this reaaaaaallllly cute Polaroid galleried on some department store. I swear, it's nothing but adorable. True, I agree with mom it looks very toy-like, but it really cuts out the perfect image of my Dream Camera. I mean, Polaroids are cheap, that was why I can't be all too dreamy about having a DSLR camera. But, sigh, what do you expect? I still can't own them. Mum says our shopping budget for the day must be below RM 200. Well, the thing already cost half of the budget price D: Too bad, say goodbye pretty little Polaroid.

Towards the end of our tour, we were playing this game where we matched up every guy that is at sight at least a metre from us, to either the 3 of us(well, the idea came up from me of course when we came passed by this SUPERGLAMOROUS BRIDE SHOP and mum starts on the clouds-forming on imaging me and Selena on those gorgeous wedding gowns and stuff). Our first target was relatively disappointing. And on and on and on we went. Haha, I ♥ that moment a whole heav loads.
By the time we clear the custom, it's almost 5 and people are practically filling the queues.
We were home by 6! All beat out, I just threw my laundry in the machine, pick up some fresh homeclothes and jump in bed. Got a book to read before dozing off and actually dragged myself to do some laundry work.

I actually had quite a day to blog on. HMMM. K, perhaps holiday only started to sound good to me, (unfortunately, but) ONLY NOW. Haha, anyway. I'm gonna spend every bits of it as precious as forever cause once school reopens my heads into book already. No more ME TIME anymore. SO yeah. Fun and entertainment should last as long as possible for now, and that also meant a lot a lot of beggings to my mum.

Pray me luck, love :D
Do enjoy your holiday but don't forget our dear teachers have assigned us holiday homeworks, so that just means you HAVE TO complete it, okay. I know, I understand, it's very heavy to lift your dear fingers on a pen and start on work, but my dear blov-vers, homework is a priority here. ANNOUNCEMENT EVERYONE AND ANYONE WHO'S READING, complete your holiday assignments as soon as you can cause you wouldn't love the idea of rushing it at the last few days of your precious June Holidays :D
Love<3

P.S. The movie mentioned above is actually The Karate Kid.

chapfallen.

2010-06-16T22:34:00.000+08:00

I just hate the fact that life pretty much sucks for me at this period of time. I just hate the fact that I've been slugging in bed for hours just cause I got tired of trying to figure out some impossibly unsolved math questions. I just hate the fact that I am, honorably, wasting my June holidays like this(well, you wouldn't want to imagine what I meant by this). AND I HATE THE FACT THAT I GET HUNGRIER EACH AND EVERY SECOND EVEN AFTER I HAD MY MEAL HALF AN HOUR AGO (!!!)

Mygoshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Another 12 more days and this misery shall officially end. Ohwell, lets hope so. I know many of you are dying for extension of holiday periods, but I'm telling you at least be less selfish can? This girl right here, is dying. Well, conclusion is: The Only Reason Why I Have Been Living My Teenage Life Finely Is All Because I Am Surviving Through Coming To School Each And Every Day. Oh yes.

But look. Look at what the holidays have done to me. I have grown to be gaining some fats in my body and a stupid zit that cannot get off from my nose ever since LAST WEEK. You know what irritates me more is I AM PRACTICALLY IN THIS WHOLE DANG DRAMA ALONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I must admit, I dislike that one fact very very much D: And the lamest thing on earth someone could come up with is that the days I am not free, PEOPLE ARE ASKING ME OUT, while the days that I can practically make houses out of papers, NOT A SINGLE FINE SOUL WOULD BOTHER TO ASK ME OUT. Oh, how perfect. I feel almightly friendless right now :(

But on the bright side, at least I got Melissa Kantor's good novels to keep me off the bored shore. I am just in love with her makings. A lovely fairytale-plot storybook read by a perfectly blase teen-age-r.
And, having just a perfectly fine best friend around me, even for the slightest moment at least got me a little happier.

wearyourheartonyoursleeve.

2010-06-13T13:12:00.001+08:00

"He broke up with you right? After telling you he loved you and calling you pet names like baby and cutie? Yeah, I know he lavished you in compliments, only to put himself down so you would stroke his fake low ego. Did he tell you that you were beautiful? I bet he promised you a personalized song. Or maybe he'd always mention how he was lying in bed and wished you were there. He dragged "i love you" out of you, didn't he? Yeah, don't deny it. He would talk to you last thing at night and first thing in the morning. He constantly mentioned losing sleep over you, every night. But we both know he slept like a rock. He made love pictures that were just sort of 'bleah' before. Did you delete those pictures after he broke your heart? Yeah, me too. All of your friends hate him now, don't they? Remember how happy they were for you? They warned you. Just remember, it's okay to cry. And referring to him as an "asshole" is perfectly expected. Because, trust me, you'll end up talking about him just as often, if not more, than before the break up. There will be the "one times" and the "I remembers", and once you think you're over him, watch out. You better keep your eyes closed in the hallways, because I promise you, the next time you see him, he'll be all over some other girl. A little part of you will want to warn her, but nobody will blame you for hating her and for blaming her for your pain. Yeah, you'll compare all guys to him, because aside from the man-whorish, heart-breaker thing, he was perfect. He was everything you had ever wanted. Or maybe you made that up. Maybe, the second he started to show interest, you made up this perfect guy in your head, and he just happened to be just like him. Listen, you will find the perfect guy for you just like everybody says you will, and it will be soon. Okay, so I didn't believe it either, but I'm starting to. The most important thing though is don't let him know he have hurt you. Don't let him know he could have you back in a heartbeat. Don't give him that satisfaction. Make him think you're completely happy. When he decides to wave at you like nothing ever happened, wave back, sure. But don't smile. Make him think that he meant as little to you, as you obviously meant to him. Cause right then, not only will you heart glows, happy, but his heart will start to shatter, start to... regret."

Sounds familiar? Not bad huh. Pretty good. I love this. Well, in fact, true. This happens to all girl's life. Trust me or not, IT DO. Even if it never, I'm telling you, it WILL. Hah, at least I've got a good experience once :D
It hurts to fall OUT of love. But believe me, girlfriends, once you're out of that circle, you're free. And the feelings nothing like a happy bird. Yeah.

Right. So I miss all of you. 2 weeks almost ending soon. And guess what. I've barely touched my assignments. Only completely done with the one that you had to care about the environment like dear Geography. The others, that will prolly much requires a lot of reading-up beforehand like dear Physics and Chemistry, those that requires you to sacrifice the Earth, prolly only because you have to make use of papers like dear Math, I HAVE NOT TOUCH EM. Thanks to my prolong fever past week.

Well, for now, I can pretty much say................................................... I've recovered yay. 81%. Well, the other 19, is the cough and flu. What a bug. FYI, if you're concern about the 1 percent, well it is to give you guys' hope that HEY, I'M RECOVERING. Over 50 already okay! OKay, shut up be happy, MOVING ON.

Tomorrow plan was to go out with dear ESTHER. Uncertain still if last minute changes will crop up. Ah, hope it won't. I want to go outtttt quick. Staying at home, makes me seem so unsocialized. Oh come on. Even internet are boring now. Mygod, I just typed that. Hah, yeah, but true *winks*.

My mind still in whirlwind. A lot happened lately. From me being sick to a discussion that's affecting my teenyears. Ohmmmmm.

K. Let the mind whirl. Imma starting on something now. Daaa, blov-vers!
Muahzzz, misses.

for the woman i love.

2010-06-12T21:24:00.000+08:00

6 more godforsaken months. Really, it's just going to be a few more blinks.
Right now, I'm just trying to carve out the best of my moments.
I love her, more than anyone else now. My only hope of living, my only reason of living. Yes her. My ultimate journey/goal in life is all because of her. We fight, quarrels but never in each other's heart had we ever hated.
I'mma gonna work hard. For her. Study hard. For her. Ace. For her. Be a proud somebody. Yes. I. Will.
I don't care the life that we'd be sitting through later on, I don't care if humiliation surfaced along the way. All that I care is a happy life with her. Yes, her. And I am certain, very very very certain, my decision won't waver. Not even a single inch in thought. Never. For the woman I love, n e v e r.

sick!

2010-06-10T17:16:00.002+08:00

I've been in bed since 8 last night. I got terribly terribly like TERRRRIIBLY sick after the Council's farewell party yesterday.
It must have been all those cryings I supposed.

Rightttttttttttttt. So. I can't use my phone plus got limited time on the computer. Great or what. I feel like a living zombie now. No more good food. Cause for all that I CAN consume tasted like hospital food(well, not that I've ever tasted them). And all those medicine, eww? Can anyone please remind me why I need to eat them, oh besides trying to get well? Oh yes! BECAUSE, I've been eating those godforsaken pills for the past 5 days and still my stupid cough have not resided. GOD!

Okay, bye blov-vers, gtg, headache attack is back! Pray for me. I want to get well soon, fast fast! D:
DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA<3

P.S. OH YESSS!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY BUDDY'S A COUNCILOR. GOD GREAT NEWS :D HAPPYY YEAH. (Special note: Buddy, sorry, I practically ignored your presence yesterday. I was sick. I know that's not the reason. I'm sorry. God, what's keeping me from talking to you? Alright, when school reopens. I, do, dearly want to know how, from 35.5% to a 100%. K, much loves, I'M SO GLAD YOU MADE A RIGHT CHOICE *winks*)

post-camp effect.

2010-06-07T20:17:00.000+08:00

My nose is like a fast-flowing tap water. And my cough isn't getting any better either. It's threatening you know that. When you are caught sick, there's very limited things you can do. Oh dear, especially, now, during the Junes'. GAH. How pathetic. This is the post-camp effect. How great!

K, another 5 hours of rest. Hoping to get well sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon.

S3 2010 Leadership Camp.

2010-06-05T23:01:00.001+08:00

IN MEMORY OF

KOTA TINGGI, LEADERSHIP CAMP:

31.M.10 - 04.J.10

I miss camp. Heaven, loads. My god.
True enough, I don't really know how to sum up this 5Day4Night Leadership Camp into a nice entry.

The first day was pretty much more of a "classroom" activities. Leader was Max. My team's TOOTOOs, together with HanLin, Rasyidah, ZhiGang, ZhongHao, Huda, Max, Kelly, Eunice, Danish, Amerlin, ShiHui, Kaisin. BUDDY-ED WITH HANLIN. Facil was Gerauld :D
We had Tug of War later in the afternoon. Awesome, I tell you. I admit that I went for the 2nd round only to see if I'm able to take up the difficulty level. True enough, the 1st round seem kinda tough but I managed to poach myself to go for the 2nd. I swear, first day already caused me to have bruises, aches and muscle cramps all over my body. But the results turned out to be worth it. My team won. YAY, TOOTOO, oh YEAHH!
Later at night, after dinner, Danish and the other 3 volunteered leaders were sent for panelling. Well done for HengTing because their team won. We got the last position. I'm sure Danish would have done well up there too. Well, what'd you expect? It was his first time doing the "enlisting".

Day 2, everyone's pretty much on Camp mood already. Got a little bit too excited for paintball.
I was on field twice only -the tryouts and the those-who-were-working-backstage rounds. Well, I thought the others are much better than I am in this, so I backed out. Well, gotta admit, I was laidback a little too much in this. ZhiGang led us in this. GUILT GUILT GUILT. I pity those who were in for the game rounds. Bruises were practically inevitable all over their body. AWHHHHHHHHH. Must have been hard on them. GAWD. My poor buddy got shot heaveanyeah a lot of times. AWWW AWWW POOR THING!
Our team won, and all the credits are for everyone, except me(THIS SENTENCE IS NOT JUSTIFICATION NOR SELF-BLAMING. IT'S A FACT = HONEST = FEEDBACK = SELF-REFLECTION = SELF-NOTING). Yeah, except meeeyyyyyy. Anyway, GOOD JOB TOOTOOs!
On the way back to our resort, I had a (relatively) "good" talk with mua buddy. God, HanLin are never generous in compliments and love to give me that kind of smirk. Hmph! Hhahahaa, he was one of those that did the team proud. Well, but of course. I saw those bruises myself. Poor thing. I love you buddy!
After dinner, we had this Feedback Session. I cried. Only my dear TOOTOOs understand why so. Hah, it was a good cry though. I managed to let off a lot of things. Thankss guys :D

The third day fina-lee came. 3RD DAY: ROPE DAY = "r" for responsibilities. Yes, I swear since from the sun rise till the sun sets, it's pretty much rope activities. Lol, organized muchhh. High elements in the afternoon.
Me, Kelly and Zhonghao were leaders for this.
I led the team for The Vertical Ascend. Sadly, only 6 of us get to gain the experience to climb up. And, duh, I wasn't one of the six. We gained 63 points in this. Salutes for ShiHui who managed to pull through, in her "unwell" state and chose to be blindfolded. CLAPS CLAPS. I participated in the flying fox. LOL. I didn't even get a point!!!
Treetop Challenge next. God. I'm soooooooooo not a Mastermind master la! We're moving pretty slow on this... I got it correct eventually! HanLin went up. Honestly, I actually do want to try out. I mean, it's a once in a lifetime thing. HanLin was just good at this(in fact, that dude, is pretty much good at everything), so it's kinda of no challenge for him. Dang it. Could have my chance up there. I was pretty much shouting and yelling up "transfer", "HanLin, you're okay", "come on HanLin", "speed up", "you're doing great", "careful". Yes, and I literally meant S H O U T I N G.
At the end of everything, everyone was tired and I got a little bit too moody. But HanLin cheered me up a little. AWWWW, SO SSWEEET. My buddyy. Hhahaha.
For dinner, we had seafood. Had a little buddy talk on the way to the restaurant. CONVINCING in action. Ah. Try convincing a mule head. That's how difficult to convince our dear HanLin. After a wonderful seafood dinner, we head to go for a fireflies boat trip. Most of us end up stargazing instead. There were like millions tons of them. So beautiful. Elegantly shining on the darkest canvas you called the sky. It was like the beautiful night ever. HanLin was pretty much engaged with conversations with Rasyidah, so I had a little more time on my own. Thinking about heavenyeah a lot of things that had happened when one moment, Rasyidah saw a shooting star and I had my head turned and wished for it. Wish for thingsss I'm dyingg to take place. To sum up the day, it was like heaven. I felt I could stay in that place for ever.

It was already the fourth day and my thighs and knees weren't really in a good state of health either. What was more, we're having our al-the-waiting 8 hour trekking at Mt. Panti. AHH.
Mounting up was tiring and I must admit, there were many junctures during the trekking-UP that I got a little less-motivated and felt like giving up. However, the team's spirit and my buddy's presence made me more than motivated to reach to the top. On our way up, I guess we're just too enthusiastic to echo every single thing that HanLin said. HAH. But as the trip gets longer, I guess, I just shut upp.Getting more tiring.
We fina-lee get up to the peak. It was a wonderful feeling.
We had lunch up there.
Trekking-DOWN was the best. Hah, I FELL 4 TIMES(or perhaps more)! HanLin left us, halfway D: Well, he had to. He's wanted! I was helpless without him. AAWWH, MY BUDDY! It was raining halfway. By then, our only goal is to reach the base before it gets darker. No choice we're already under the heavy rain.
My group was the last to get back to the resort. HanLin was already there by then. BBQ-ed.
The Legendary Night of exchanging jewels, wishes, hugs, and teardrops ♥

The last day turns out to be the ugliest day ever. FOR ME, at least.
Dip into the waterfall. I wasn't in any better mood. Kinda hate how's everything eventually coming to a stop then. How the camp ended abruptly like that time. Tried to hold back the tears.
Went Jusco afterward. Ate at Kenny Rogers with Sheela, Maria, Illya, Max, Deanna and Ms Lim :D
Spent like RM43 just on my lunch. The drink wasn't enough though it was Iced Vanilla Caffe Latte. I swear, I was like hunting for another one(cheaper that time) after we finished eating. YEAH, THAT THIRSTY. The "free time" was barely even 2 hours. I had a hard time trying to find things, possibly, GOOD FOOD to bring back Singapore. Sigh... End up, spent another RM5 on an Iced Coffee. AH, since my first step-in into Starbucks, iced coffees are like my best friend. Hhah.
Texted Hafiz the minute I got M1 signal :D Mygod, MISS HIM LA.
The bus ride home, I got a little nostalgic.
Everything's ending... No more TOOTOOs, no more Buddy Talk, no more Group Moments. No. More.
Kinda heavy to let all this go. 5days... That's how fast time flies.
I'mma missing this camp. The camp that opportunate me to voice out all that's been burying inside o' me. I'm happy glad, this camp got me a level higher to improving the weaker me were, before and brought me closer to certain people I barely even dare to smile to like my dearest buddy, HANLIN, ZhiGang anddddddddd, DEARRRR HUDA ♥

Memories of yesterday, I shall keep it for the reference in today ~

missing home.

2010-05-30T13:20:00.000+08:00

Reading a novel that plots on a story of a confused teenager falling in love while lying on the bed, enjoying the breeze from the rainy weather outside, was a good way, to pass my last day before days of tiring activities in a few hours time.
Ah, Imma missing home D:

my originals.

2010-05-28T20:44:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry I bugged you out a moment ago. It wasn't intentional. Well, ironically, yes.
I don't want to make it seems as though I'm just tagger and mere just following orders. For once, to someone, I want to be a rebellious teenager. If that is strong enough to make you stay. I want, for once, to be someone I might be 10-20 years down the road from now. I want, for once, have someone to love me not only for my plus sides, but for my "foresee" negative sides. I want, for once, to be love unconditionally without the clear reasons because deep down, I know love is sincere and you don't need valid explanations for those.
I hate to admit it but I want, for once, to be those ugly characters mentioned, and you truly love me.

Hah, I wonder how I could really come up with that one. Pretty impressive huh? Well, for a flair thinker, I guess that should be my bare standard.
Ohwell. Just so you know. I've gone to sleep for since 5 to 7 pm just now. I fina-lee deduce to hibernating so as to pass time from getting overly bored and got everyone affected.

The me now, it's the minimal happiness.
I'm pretty happy, well in fact -VERY- that you were part of that happiness.

possible to both love and be wise. POSSIBLE, yeah.

2010-05-28T15:21:00.000+08:00

But the thing is, I am. Hhah. Those who get that, good for you. Those who don't, process more on your thinking skills. :D

Getting top in a subject was not that much of a shock to me, but getting first in the class, was something I must say was pretty unthinkable in my secondary school life. My heart races and I started to feel a rush of temperature in my body, like I was going to get fever at any moment. I swear the minute it was announced, my heart felts like it suddenly came to a halt. Like a racing car trying to find a stop seeing the red light. Yeah, it was that scary. I weep a little and get a hug from Mdm Saratha. It was a little bit too overwhelming for me.

But still this girl is not happy. Duh, of course. I deproved a lot. A lot from my CAs. And I felt sorry for myself. For being too complacent. Ahh.
During Mrs Kok's talk, I got a little drowsy, and my mood started to deteriorate. A tinge of sadness also came by. I felt rather disappointed on how the class did, overall. I don't like the fact where other people see us as the neutrally last express class. I don't like it that way. And boy, do you know how just that hurts a whole deep a lot. But I shall take Hafiz's advice in a optimist's point of view: we still have a semester more to prove. Well. I'm trying to do my very best, on my part, to help the class gain some place. MM. I know we can:D
Mum got me on my neck(seriously) after the briefing by rushing me to get the first queue. My god, how can they teach us the virtue of being patient, when they themselves are rushing on things(little) like this????!!!!
Then, I had to practically run with my head to and forth and search of classroom I'm supposed to be in. Ontheway, I don't know how, but both my mum and Hafiz's got caught in a mini conversation. Thank God, in lieu to that, my mum started to loosen up a bit :D
So I fina-lee got my turn.
But still, I got a lecture-ride. It is, dear so hard to please, to whom it may concerned, MY MUM. But I still have to be on the same side as my mum la. I mean positions doesn't really matter, that much. My L1R5 was a little bit too disappointing, on that part. I agree. I've been like gaining 5 marks than my CAs. And sure is that bad.
CONCLUSION: I shall make a new resolution for next terms': Imma gonna attain at least 10points and below for my L1R5. I'm sure impossible should be nothing.

the inevitable(s).

2010-05-25T23:21:00.000+08:00

I can't seem to know the reasons to why, I'm feeling very uneasy, a little portion of hurt(s) and pissed today.
I cried over small tiny mini little things like losing my first-owned 10bucks book, and panic for a moment. My heart went a little heartbroken. Ah, stupid or what Fina.

Then I had to see it. I don't know why, again, my heart just cracked a little. Ah, must be the girl's heart. The sensitive radar alert. Or maybe because of my moon period. God, & I'm feeling angry at no good reason.
My head hurts so much that even after banging it once against a wall, I still couldn't feel any hurt at all. Yeah, it's that numb.

This queasy feeling have been around with me for quite some time now. And I have no idea how to get rid of it. Is it just another The Inevitables? Goodey.

Right. K, night blov-vers.

P.S. Hafiz, sorry for my cold replies. I owe you one.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S.
A FACT OF LIFE:
after Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says;
W T F.
(what the fina)(I don't know what many of you are thinking, but in a polite manner, yeah, what.the.fina).

maybe this time, not again.

2010-05-24T19:32:00.001+08:00

Everything seems to be going back to its old ways.
And I hate seeing people cry.
I really do. That's when the result of breaking down started.
Mygod, I pray that things are going to be good for us. At least just this once.
Ohm.

P.S. When times get really really though, remember, not to look down, left or right. Instead, look up. Cause you know what, He will always be with you. Throughout the journey of your life. Always.

i know i've made you.

2010-05-22T12:52:00.001+08:00

No one else makes us angry. We make ourselves angry when we surrender control of our attitude. What someone else may have done is irrelevant. We choose, not they. They merely put our attitude to a test.

P.S. Hafiz, I'm sorry I made your day sour again.

Right, so yesterday was a little bit too bitter for me. God, too much to put into a post.

Ohwell, I'm having stomach runs now and then now due to last night. Oh.

Sigh, what a weekend to pass. In 5 days' time, our one and only June's Holiday will be commencing. I'm so not looking forward for it cause I'll be pretty much drilling on the subjects I've not done so well on(which is practically every sub). The only factor that makes me look forward for this coming holiday would be class outing(s) and GGs' outing(s).

If you're wondering if I'm missing out something, you're right - the SLs Camp, which is going to take away my first 5 days of the holiday at Kota Tinggi. Well for this, I am so ~~not~~ looking forward for it. Well, I don't know. Talked about this with Illya about us being the uncared/unattended to category of people. But still I'm hoping for something exciting to take place. Well I'm pretty much putting on high hopes on this upcoming camp because, as far as I could possibly predict, that's the one and only activity I'm going to put high interest on. I might not be able to go out as often after then. Many things happen and I have to take care. Well besides that, I'm in midst of planning in search of study dates. Few of which are Emily and Hafiz. I'm still considering on going out for other days( most probably with the GGs ). &&&, I am just dying to catch up with movies la!

Okay so anyone who's in need of an outing partner, please honey cherry please, consider me :D

<3!!!

i've settled for the less, yet not ready for more.

2010-05-21T19:59:00.000+08:00

P.S. & I'm telling you. I, myself, don't have that genuine courage to find happiness for myself.

If you detect even an inkling of happiness, a tiny glimpse of love, a mere hint of contentment, for heaven’s sake grab it and don’t let go. Don’t ever think twice.

I'm such a useless friend. I'm clumsy in handling a person's welfare at heart.
Such a disappointment, Fina D:

the story was supposed to last.

2010-05-20T20:50:00.000+08:00

I love today. Well, kinda.
Haha. How have you been doing my dear blov-vers? Long since I've asked this question. But yea. Here's one. I've been getting straight Bs for all of my papers. And the heart-aching thing is that it is all B3-one-/-two-mark-away-from-getting-an-A2 kinda mark. Ah ! Just it, you know?! I'm praying so as my CA results would pull up all my marks, I'm begging you la pleasee.
Okay, so basically I kinda secured my Amath to it's original A1. Thank God. But I still am not happy with the results I'm getting back. Such a disappointment. Sighs.
OKay, so the state funeral of Dr Goh Keng Swee went pretty well, I guess. My grandma said she saw US(as in yea, the whole lot of us, SLs) on the screen. Hyeah! Haha, cool.
After which head to McD with Illya and SuQing. Sheela basically dumped us for the cools D;
Head my fill there before heading back home. Hafiz kept me occupied on the way home, yay!
Because of the bills I'm getting, I'm kinda cutting down on the number of texts now. So yea, less communicating.

Mygod, I realised, my blog is much more ME this days. Orelse, it'll be so freaking formal. I'll avoid all those "la" and "ah". Heh.
Love you blov-vers.
Well you know I do<3
All the time.

bad habits are never that too far away.

2010-05-19T19:37:00.001+08:00

Yeah right, like that's going to happen.

I am honestly honestly disappointed with myself and my stupid results. Should I just believe that sometimes things get worser, before it gets better?
My mood have been pulling me down these past few days.
Moodswings, or what, I don't know. Honestly, I feel very... despondent. Ah.

I am so not deserving a good break for my Junes'. I swear. Although, I have been... okay, forget it.
Super tired/ lazy/ moodless day no. 2. Good job Fina. Get yourself sad all the time.

My god. Why can I just have one factor in my life that actually makes me look forward to seeing a new day each morning? Why can I just have that ONE thing D:

P.S. FINA, I am so so so disappointed in you. I know right.

panda never go away.

2010-05-18T20:18:00.004+08:00

I get tired these days. I meant like reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllly tired. Stupid irony cause we barely do much of intensive stress learning in school. Ah, and I've been sleeping reallllllllllllly really early. Despite that, I still have dark circles D: Bummer!

The weather has been real bad these few days. In the morning/afternoon, it can be scorching hot on the contrary, it can immediately rain in the evening, without warning. And that explains why you hear a lot of sniffings and coughings here and there, everywhere. Haha. You know, I don't know why, but I don't seem to be getting any sick for any of these year, THAT BADLY that I have to be absent from school (well, except that one day this year). My immune systems doesn't usually be THIS well. Hhaha, wondered why this year? Supplements, Vitamin Cs perhaps? Hah.

God-knows how disappointed/upset/angry I am today. Elaborate further, and the mood might reminiscence.
Sigh. My God. How to keep an uplifted smile, like this, you tell me.

Sleeping early. Daa blov-vers.
Good luck for all your results:)

P.S. HOW CAN SOMEONE STILL SMILE AFTER ALL THE PAIN? I SALUTE YOU LA MANNNNNNNNNNNNN.

with no presence of love around, it'll be;

2010-05-18T19:05:00.001+08:00

Without you, life would be like;
Moanday,

Tearsday,

Wasteday,

Thirstday,

Frightday,

Shatterday,

Sadday.

Oh, <3
Yes it will ;-(

2010-05-16T11:21:00.003+08:00

At some point during almost every romantic comedy, the female lead suddenly trips and falls, stumbling helplessly over something ridiculous like a leaf, and then some Matthew McConaughey type either whips around the corner just in the nick of time to save her or is clumsily pulled down along with her. That event predictably leads to the magical moment of their first kiss. Please. I fall ALL the time. You know who comes and gets me? The bouncer.
- Chelsea Handler says.

I realized that I kinda experienced the same thing happening to Ms Chelsea. Well, the difference is only that I don't have the bouncer that come that gets me. I mean, duh, I don't visit nightclubs (mygod?).

K, have a nice evening blov-vers.

let it wash away my sanity.

2010-05-15T19:53:00.001+08:00

You gotta love this <3

Okay. So another day spent, wasted, alone.
Aiyyy, I really hate weekends like this. Well, at least talking to a loyal best friend, helps.
God knows how much junkies I've been throwing into my stomach, just how much I'm going to die with them one of the days.
It's sad. Exams are over just a day yesterday, yet my mum still couldn't let me out. I hate staying at home, just you know that. And FYI, it's not like I am loving my life staying at home, it's I CANNOT GO OUT. How pathetic, let me put it. I'm 15 fgs. I need to fulfill my teen period's wishes before I even leave high school. God. I really am hoping for a free all night out for my June's holidays.
I really really am.

God, you DO know, don't you, that I've been slogging out for the past few weeks/days/months for the MYE? So please let my dear dear dear parents know that their poor daughter here, needs a break too.

Can you?

newsflash:the happy me was because of happy you.

2010-05-14T22:58:00.003+08:00

Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night’s sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.

Okay, Hafiz, hope you're sooooooooooooooooooooey much better now. God, you.

Okey, so here's a second and a much better post than the previous one today.

Now that exams are over, I can fina-lee look over something much more into detail *clear throats*. I want to be more happy and stay happy. Well, to the point now, I AM actually, already. Hah.

Being in the exam's mood phase sure is head-cracking for me. I spent sleepless nights on doing real last minute revisions and trying my verrr best to squeeze in as much of the things I have to remember in my memory bank just for that sake of one subject. Well, don't mention Physics with me cause I already loose hope on that one subject. I did not complete the paper. Yay, for me, cause 5 marks flew just like that. But I'm glad, cause I really really took time to do my best for each and every question. Well, at the end of the day, all what that matter is your effort. Ohwell, F&N was another disappointment. I lo/ose 12 marks, JUST. LIKE. THAT. Oh yes. That already cost me a grade down.

OH WELL OH WELL OH WELLLLLLLLLLLL, now all of those pressure of memorizing are fina-lee over and fina-lee put a rest to my awh-poor brain.

You've worked hard brain. Must be hard on you! 

P.S. My bear-bear is officially named: FIFI(L). Hah.
P.P.S. Intention to make Hafiz happy : SUCCESS.
P.P.P.S. Hafiz got a curfew from me too!
P.P.P.P.S. Ego is ironically: BEAUTIFUL.

I love you blov-vers!
<3

getting over her worst periods.

2010-05-14T14:17:00.001+08:00

I feel really really pathetic. Mid Year's finally over and here I am in my room faced with none other than my laptop, eating BigGulp, throw myself with lots and lots of chocolates/ candies/ junkies/ chips and in no time, I'm going to grow fat. Well that is beside the point. But the fact that I AM STILL LEADING A PATHETIC AND BORING LIFE EVEN AFTER ONE OF OUR BIGGEST EXAMS FOR THE YEAR, is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy beyond anyone's tolerance. God, what can I do? Syarafina's life it is D:

i love you once needed protection.

2010-05-11T21:37:00.000+08:00

HAFIZ: This just so happens, turns out to be your name:D
Freaking coincidental, I know right. Hah, what a met.

“I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person.”

Audrey Hepburn, FTW ♥
And for one(s) who are able to, I AM SO IN LOVE WITH YOU'LL MAN.

P.S. Hafiz, I've updated, WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO BE IN INTENSIVE PHYSICS REV! ;D Hah.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I LOVE MY LIFE. I LOVE TODAY. I LOVE YOU, BLOV-VERS! YAY. *JUMPS JUMPS*

cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way.

2010-05-08T14:30:00.003+08:00

God. I know it has been almost a week since I've last post. Well, the plan was till after my Amath paper, but knowing me, I know it'll never works. Ohwell, this will going to be a brief sum up of what you would've missed for the week.

1. Hafiz is the wilted rose while I am his sunshine :D Aww, I don't know which part of my brain cells came up with something so primary school typey.
2. I'm in love with Amath.
3. I'm so so so so so veryyyyyy worried for EMATH *cries*(!)
4. I just got a passing A grade for my Chem Test. *jeers*(!)
5. Intensive revision nights with Hafiz :D
6. Being Hafiz 's sunshine feels I AM needed, aww :D
7. I love my class. Vivacious, ftw.
8. GG formed: Val, Pan, Arn, Eml and Fin <3 <3 <3
9. My best friend did not avoid/ignore me. Yay.
10. I bought kisses.
11. Kisses burnt my 7bucks.
12. I gave out kisses.
13. First, to Emily :D
14. Second, to Hafiz :D
15. Third, to Eugene :D
16. Mr Chee's leaving D;
17. My Emath teacher, aka Mr Terrence Chee, ROCK MUA SOCXZ because he sang an original composed song as a farewell goodbye and WE CRIED D;
18. Least did I know, I have wonderful friends.
19. I am going to break down soon.
20. I have been having sleepless nights.
21. I am glad. I. AM. OVER. HIM.
22. I miss choir pracs D;
23. I miss my C.seniors D;
24. Mdm Aishah gave us chocs.
25. My F&N teacher, (kinda) rocks too. But well, just not as much as my Emaths'.
26. Hafiz gave me chocolate :D
27. Eugene looks oh-mua-god ~~hot~~ with a watch on his wrist.
28. I scolded Eugene to take out his watch before I ~~fall for him~~.
29. I feel that Hafiz is my best text mate :D
30. I'm in love with yellow because of Hafiz.
31. I realized that what Eugene said is GOD TRUE.
32. We are so having a phys training before the K.T camp (post exam).
33. I am so so so planning for a girls'/friends' out (post exam).
34. I've been surfing for Taylor's gorgeous/beautiful/angellic/wonderful/amazing photos the minute I stole my laptop back yesterday.
35. Hafiz is my pink rose :D
36. Hafiz makes me happy these days.
37. Eugene makes me happy these days.
38. Emily makes me happy these days.
39. The GGs makes me happy these days.

36. I HAVE BEEN HAPPY THESE DAYS. REAL REAL REAL REAL HAPPY :D

37. AND, MYE PHASE 2 IS IN 40 HOURS' TIME!!!!!

I love you blov-vers.
<3

slow processing.

2010-05-08T13:37:00.000+08:00

I came to realize that I can totally be surrounded by a sea of people, and still feels all alone.
I came to realize that I can be given an answer sheet to a TRUE LOVE test, but still be blinded by the fact.
I came to realize that I can ace good grades but still feel redundant in living.
God, and I JUST CAME TO REALIZE THAT.

i got a brand new life, without you.

2010-05-02T16:10:00.002+08:00

Honestly, I’m scared to get too close to people. It seems that every time I get close to someone, they always have a reason to leave later on. Maybe its fate teaching me that life goes on, or maybe I just trust the wrong people.

Sigh.

that's when god creates men.

2010-05-02T15:57:00.002+08:00

For all my wonderful blo-vers,

You’re alive. Your breath is warm, and there is blood pumping through your veins. You’re human. And you know what that means? You’re inherently flawed … and you know what? That’s fine. In fact, it’s more than fine. You know what it really means? You’re perfect. For all of your “flaws” that are all part of what makes you YOU, you are absolutely, undeniably perfect.
Thank you for being you. just the way you are. You are a beautiful, beautiful bird. The most beautiful. And I will always be here to tell you so when you need to hear it most.

P.S. My sister says I smell like a baby. What Was That For? An insult?

we all need positivity.

2010-04-30T20:00:00.001+08:00

I always get scolded for no reason, at the wrong time, place, with the wrong audience that is enough to humiliate me. And for no reason, too, I never ever did stand up for myself. But cried. In discreet. I'm such a weakling, I know right.

Sigh.
But no matter how much we fought, and cause war in the house, the thing is, WE STILL LOVE ONE ANOTHER. And that's never going to change :D

No matter how hard I've tried, at the end of the day I still have nobody.
God.

P.S. The feelings has always been there. It's either you hide from it, or you face it. I don't care what other people thinks, but it's what from you that matters. I've always thought you as a life-accompanist, as a shoulder to lean on, as a pair of listening ears to hear me out. But before I knew it, you ran away. Away from all those responsibilities, which initially it was YOU who initiates it all.
Maybe it was just me and my wild thinking. Or could I possibly be right? *shakes head*. I hate it when you cause me confused like this. You ignored me. You threw away your looks from me. You gave me the cold shoulder, cold greetings and cold replies. But you know what, I actually still do love you, best friend ♥
P.P.P.P.P.S. EMILY, YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT ^.^

don't give me a probability.

2010-04-29T22:13:00.001+08:00

I'm still finding ways to get over the temptation to power sleep. This el muy sucx because, like what I've told Hafiz, I'VE WASTED DANG, A 3 HOURS OF MY PRECIOUS TIME on, zzzZZZZZ, sleeping? Fina: Sleepyhead.

Ah, my head hurts.
Night blo-vers.

on top of the world; on top of the tree:

2010-04-28T17:11:00.006+08:00

Girls are like

apples on trees. The best

ones are at the top of the tree.

The boys don't want to reach for

the good ones because they are afraid

of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they

just get the rotten apples from the ground

that aren't as good, but easy. So the apples

at the top think something is wrong with

them, when in reality, they're amazing.

They just have to wait for the right

boy to come along, the one

who's brave enough

to climb

all the way

to the top

of the tree.

-Zena is always right, the thing is.

I'm going to totally flunk my English Paper 1. So going to. Not trying to be pessimist or anything, but, I REALLY AM GOING TO. (!)

Okey, besides the point, the SLs will be conducting our Leadership Camp this May, OVERSEA. Well, not really over-sea, cause it's only over a god-freaking bridge. Oh yea, Malaysia, Kota Tinggi. What is everyone expecting??? Korea? Right, Ms Lim: DREAM ON! Haha, but still, that would be reallllll nice. Haha, k. Loves.

Fina.

P.S. The rain kinda signalizing something bitter events coming up. *OhmOhmOhm*, let my predictions be wrong.

idiot. god, sorry.

2010-04-27T21:00:00.004+08:00

~~I saw an Idiot(I'm sorry) today.~~

Other than that, I had a fairly good day.

My first 2010 MYE paper. Social studies. E-a-s-y, okay, no, m.a.n.a.g.e.a.b.l.e.. Well, for those who did sat for the test, don't complain, don't have "I should have"s in your mind(well quoted from Mr Chee), cause if you know you'd studied hard/well enough for the exam, leave no regrets, cause you would have done your very best. So have worries no more about the outcome, cause it's the effort that counts. My Gosh, since when did I became so philosophical?

B-T-W, I'll be off from this blogger from now. Besides, whether I update or not, there are many doubts in me saying 'NO ONE READ YOUR BLOG DUMBie'. Hence, the only reason I'm updating this one now is due to some(okay, maybe none, but well, JUST IN CASE) blov-vers who still are loyal to this blog of mine. Owhm.

Kayyy, that'll be all. I'll miss you, if there is, blov-ver(s)!

Study well oh.

Well, regards.

Fina.

P.S. OH and, HAFIZ READ MY BLOG LEH. HUHM. THAT MEANS THAT MY BLOG IS STILL READER-FRIENDLY. I STILL HAVE AN EXISTING BLOV-VER. OWHMMMMMMM, yay!:D
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Ever since I've been a VIVACIAN, my life has been webbed with drama, and I'm starting to love the ride. Have to admit, first time, I'm feeling very proud of someoneS.

near 2, and panda is still wide awake.

2010-04-22T01:18:00.000+08:00

It's 1.13am.
And I'm still wide-eyed, awake.
I can't go to bed.
It must have been the 4-hour afternoon nap just now. My God. Prepare for super huge panda eyes.
Hmm. I don't feel sleepy = I tried to manilions times already shutting my working system off: failed = won't be able to sleep for, probably the next hours = waste time = what should I do(?) = revision(?) = ah, kinda sick of it = now, what.

Okay, I'm really going nuts.

today was a very-tale.

2010-04-20T21:14:00.005+08:00

TODAY IS AWESOME, AWESOME, AWESOME. Okay, awesome is not really a good adjective to describe today.

TODAY IS ZERO COOL, FABULOUS.

Had a great time study-dating with Esther ♥. Honestly.
And I had my first visit cum eating cum studying in ... STARBUCKS. Hah, I know this might not be any biggie to most of you, blov-vers, but reallly, I daren't step inside this kind of coffeehouses because a drink alone(which is barely a cup full with the too-manys' ice) cost you a freaking 5 BUCKS. But anyway, I get myself one, HAHA. Well, Esther's advice : You gotta buy at least something here so that 1. they won't chase you out, 2. show off. Well, she didn't really mention the second point, but ... just LOL. Hahhhhhhhh.
We couldn't find any seats (as predicted from Sheela) in the Regional Library(a place where you DON'T HAVE TO/ NO TEMPT to spent on anything), so we end up in STARBUCKS(a place where you just HAVE TO spent on something to get your butts on one of the chair). Patrick bailed on us, in the end.
I'm pretty glad with the things I've accomplished during that 3-hour period.
- ~~A-Maths' Revision cum Homework~~ ;
- ~~SS's Rev~~ision ; (half-way revising...)
- ~~Physics's'~~ Revision ; (half-way revising...)

Hey, that was quite an achievement. Every time I do study groups, distractions are always inevitable. HAHA. Yay, 11 claps for me ***********(!!!)

P.S. I can get really, extremely, awfully, overly mad with my class. But the irony part here is that, at the same time, I can ALSO get really, extremely, awfully, overly in love with my class. AWW♥

That'll be all.
Love for my wonderful blov-vers<3

oh hearty hearts.

2010-04-20T20:28:00.004+08:00

These hearts remind me of The OOMA Story. Reminds me of last year. Reminds me of...

back and forth.

2010-04-19T20:55:00.001+08:00

Sometimes when I had a bad day back at home, I reminded myself to think about back in school. That hey, I've got my perfect friends that gives me a perfect day to my hazy day.

studying = student + dying

2010-04-18T20:06:00.002+08:00

8:04PM: In midst of completing my A-Math Online Quiz (8th Question).

metathesiophobia: fear of change.

2010-04-18T17:52:00.001+08:00

5:49PM: Just finish on 1. Redo-ing A-Math CA Test.

P.s. How slow can I get?

a day in a life of a procrastinator.

2010-04-18T13:13:00.001+08:00

SHOULD.

BE.

STUDYING.

NOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

get that straight through your hollow brain. see if it'll penetrates.

2010-04-16T18:31:00.002+08:00

I’m partly somebody else trying to fit in and say the right things and do the right thing and be in the right place and wear what everybody else is wearing. Sometimes I think we’re all trying to be shadows of each other…

God. I gave my biggest thank Yous to you, honestly, sincerely and dearly for giving me this wonderful gift. You know that I've not been really revising much on my work days before the test. You know that I've been neglecting and procrastinating a lot lately on my studies. Yet, you give me an un-deserved results. I am grateful to you. Really. Though it's just a passing A grade, I AM grateful. To you. I'll send my best promises that I'll honestly work hard starting from this moment and not be dependent on you to draw "luck lots" for me. God, I will cause I dearly love You.
Yea, I get an ............................................................................. A for my ADDITIONAL MATHEMATICS and I've been freaking out for the past 32 hours before the result is released.
My Gosh. I swear, I totally break down after that. Trying to control my mental break down but, dear tears just flow out neutrally. HA HA. And I actually passed for struggling the night before and do last minute revisions. OH. MY. GOD. I know right.
Okay enough about being so compassionate about my A-Math result.

After school, head to Admiralty with Illya & Haizan to grab a bite/ let time pass(cause we're actually finding ways to do for the 2-hour interval before the A.A.R.). I don't remember the last time I'd ate at McD, but I remember it was at least a month ago. HAH. Afterward, me and Illya head back to school.
As soon as we're done, accompany Emily to study in the library. Spent an hour doing our respective necessary things and another hour, for P&T(pour&tell) sessions.

Emily dear(L), sometimes the hardest thing in life is knowing what bridge to cross and what bridge to burn. Believe that everything happens for a reason. If it didn’t, everything that happens to us is completely meaningless and that tact is just lying for adults. Sometimes, in order to possess happiness you gotta to learn to let go of that wild feelings your intuition tells you. Cause, who knows that's what that do harm to you.

Love to one and all.
Fina signing out.

stop holding back, he said.

2010-04-15T20:30:00.002+08:00

I love people. Everybody. I love them, I think, as a stamp collector loves his collection. Every story, every incident, every bit of conversation is raw material for me. My love’s not impersonal yet not wholly subjective either. I would like to be everyone, a cripple, a dying man, a whore, and then come back to write about my thoughts, my emotions, as that person. But I am not omniscient. I have to live my life, and it is the only one I’ll ever have. And you cannot regard your own life with objective curiosity all the time…

martin says.

2010-04-14T18:45:00.001+08:00

I thought that was rather too beautiful to be there.

keep up that good work!

2010-04-13T20:12:00.003+08:00

Smile.
Today, this word fight through all my sorrows. And know what? I'm glad I did.

It has been raining since noon just now. Quite a stupid thing to illustrate that God is really really unhappy. God, please stay happy. Cause my prayers will all be drained if you're not. I really really really love you. As equal as I love mama. Lol. Ever imagined knowing God, your all highness/majesty, can have emotions?
Sigh.
Another unrevealed question.

that's how i'm gonna drive my life now.

2010-04-12T21:16:00.001+08:00

SOMETIMES WHEN I SAY "I'M OKAY", I WANT SOMEONE TO LOOK ME IN THE EYES, HUG ME TIGHT AND SAY, "I KNOW YOU'RE NOT".

Thank you once again for him who made me happier.

Ah, Mdm A always have to pick on me. Right. Right. God, why am I even electing Food&Nutrition in the first place.
The best things that made me happier all-ways, time and again are just nonetheless, my dear SL-mates♥ It's just always moment like this, I fear I'm losing it faster than I could ever possibly imagined. So cherishing every bits is what to where I could only do now.
I love you blov-vers, especially for always there to read my never-ending boring entries, always the same content, same boring style and the same boring story about this same person(if you KNOW actually to whom I'm referring to). So keep on following me cause I'll promise you this one thing, as days and moments get washed by, I'm sure I'll be strong enough to get through this road of a-gonna-be-wrecked teenager cause I believed that every weeny miny little things occur and happened for one special reason that only Him knows it very well. All that I can ever do now is just live up to my best of expectations and live no regrets in existing cause I know, God sure have something in His mind on why he'd created me in the first place.

here's to life.

2010-04-12T20:36:00.002+08:00

its always you and you and you and once again, you.

2010-04-12T20:21:00.000+08:00

pyrrhic victory.

2010-04-11T12:43:00.000+08:00

I just want her to know that every now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy. I just want her to know that even if hailstorm might came into action in just any moment now, I'll always be there alongside her, holding her in my embrace, tight and never letting go. Because for just this once, I'm not letting myself to feel the regret of losing, perhaps the last person I could love, and actually love me as dear back.

I'm back. YES. God, imagine all those days without having to update this poor blog. Owhm. Blov-vers... OKey, so the camp was a skin-torturing one. I grew, darker and tanner, in terms of physical, on the contrary, grew more responsible/independent/confident than before, in terms of psychologically. If you're expecting an in-view of the 6day5night camp, well, that might have to delay a little later cause I'm in no mood and time to update in clear in-views details about the camp.(FYI: don't expect any photos cause apparently I've not been taking any photos during the camp)

Well, so I expect a brighter side from all of you once school reopens! Okey dokey, daa.
As all-ways, LOVES.

WE WERE GIVEN:

TWO HANDS to hold.

TWO LEGS to walk.

TWO EYES to see.

TWO EARS to listen.

But why only ONE HEART to love?

Because the other was given to someone else.

For T W O to find.

P.S.I HEART THIS.

B-hiatus.

2010-04-02T23:15:00.000+08:00

BLOG HIATUS @
from 4 April - 9 April.

Loves, blov-vers<3

get over it.

2010-03-31T18:42:00.001+08:00

Truth: You can close your eyes to the things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to the things you don’t want to feel.

Today seems a little too "everyday". Nothing much of an outstanding scene to talk about. Just a little weeny things that just distracts me, erm, for the entire day. Okay, big thing.

Oh, okay. Perhaps the only good reason I'm saying this is because I've just gotten used to being so bored. Hah.